A reason for why I cut myself.
People have asked why I feel the need to cut myself. So I thought
perhaps now would be a good time to explain. I do not cut because I
want to die; in fact I am not suicidal. I cut, for several reasons. To
relieve the pain and shame I feel inside. To remind myself that I am
still alive when I am feeling numb. To punish myself for wrongs I feel I
have done. Perhaps, I cut, because the physical pain is better than the
emotional overload.
Sometimes the pain I am feeling, the emotions are so great that my mind
goes on overload and all I can think about is ending it. Dealing with
it is more difficult, so I take razor to flash and watch as the
emotional pain drains away. The razor slices small thin cuts that sting
and bleed by drips. Sometimes the numb feeling comes back while
cutting.
When this happens I end up cutting more, and sometimes the cuts are deeper. And the deeper I go the better it feels. Sometimes needing stitches. Sometimes hospitalization.
But my point is. I cut because it makes me feel better.
