The Gray Area

First Love?!!

Graysexual - an identity on the asexual spectrum. Individuals that fall under this identity feel sexual attraction only on occasion and lie somewhere in between asexual and sexual. Other names: gray-a, gray-ace, or even grace.

Demiromantic- an identity on the aromantic spectrum that falls under the gray umbrella. Individuals that fall under this identity feel romantic attraction only after having an emotional connection to someone. Romantic attraction is experienced as a secondary attraction and not a primary attraction.

Ah, that makes sense, I thought as I scrolled through the many search results on Google. It was all coming together. This explained why it was so easy for me to just put dating on the back burner in high school(and part of college) or how my friends would be more excited about my crushes than I was (sometimes I just made up the crushes to seem normal). Honestly, I knew I didn't feel attraction the same way as everyone else, but I just thought that something was wrong because no one else felt the same way.

*****

Now, it was over a year and a half later and I was in my junior year of college. Since then, I came out to my friends and save the occasional question, everything had gone back to normal. Or so I thought.

It was the last two weeks of the semester and I was scrambling to finish my physics homework before class. Physics was my best and worst class. For one thing, I constantly struggled with the work and for another, my lab partner was Charlie. He plopped his notebook next to mine, his blonde, curly locks tumbling ever so slightly over his face.

"Morning, Blake!"

"Oh gosh, you are way too energetic this morning," I laughed.

He smirked. "It's the energy drinks and a constant lack of sleep."

"I don't know how you can stomach those."

"Not everyone can survive on green tea and the hopes and dreams of unicorns."

"No, it's green tea and the blood of my enemies, get it right."

"Damn, hardcore. That explains it."

Charlie was Aiden's childhood friend and was part of our friend group since freshman year. I didn't know him well at first, in fact, I only saw him at meals or in passing. It wasn't until we became lab partners that we became closer. It scared the living shit out of me.

"Earth to Blake." His breath fanned over my ear.

I snapped out of my thoughts right as the professor finished her soliloquy about the end of semester reports.

"Ye-ah"

"You ok?"

"Just tuned out for a sec."

"Understandable. She's collecting the homework, FYI."

When the lecture ends, Charlie turns to me.

"So when are you free to finish the paper?" He winks in jest.

My heart quickened and I felt like vomiting.

.

"Friday or the weekend work. "

" I have a fencing match over the weekend. So would Friday after class, work?"

"Yeah, see you then."

"See, ya." He waved as he headed out of the lecture hall. I waited for my next class, dreading Friday.

The week sped by and soon enough I was waiting in the library, crunching on chips.