Time • p.jm

two

"Oh—and one more thing," the doctor called out before we could leave the office. I turned around with the others, watching him rummage through a cabinet nearby before pulling out a small pill bottle. "This should help with the bloating and stomach pain. Take care of yourself." he said while handing me the bottle of pills.

I nodded in response with a small, 'thank you' then we all left the building, but not without a heavy, tense atmosphere that followed us the whole way home.

It haunted me, it felt like it was years ago but actually it was just minutes ago. I didn't want to think about it, I wanted to forget all about it and just live my life the way it I wanted to be.

I wiped the remaining tears of my cheeks and didn't want to talk about what just happened. Everyone could feel mutual about it, still Yoongi doesn't accept the fact as much.

Throughout this entire ride back home, he was holding my hand tightly. Was he worried about me? Sure he has always scolded me when I've hurt myself or when I've done something stupid but he's never been.. like this before. It feels different, though I have no idea why.

When I turn to look at him, he's staring out of the car window and his free arm's holding his head up. I try and stare at his face—his eyes, to attempt to figure out what he's feeling, but I can't. He looks as blank as a robot, not moving, but his hand is still holding mine so tight.

I turn my head back, facing forward again. I don't know what I really should do, hold his hand back? Lean on him? I cant think of something that's reasonable to do in this situation! I glance over at him for a second again before slowly tightening my grip on his hand like how he's holding mine.

He turned to look over at me, his eyes staring into mine. He didn't say anything, not doing anything, just looking at me. After about a couple seconds, he turned his head back around, looking out the window again. I wondered why he did that, he's acting weirder than usual. I thought this until he started caressing the top of my hand with his thumb softly. The sensation felt nice, relaxing me enough to get my thoughts out of the way.

The rest of the ride home went by in a breeze, due to being comforted by Yoongi, but the ride was still dead silent. When we entered the house, there was only silence, as if no one knew what to say. But who would in this situation? Five people finding out at once that their best friend has chronic leukemia; what do you say in a moment like this?

This didn't feel like our home; it was too quiet here, knowing my dongsaengs and hyungs. There was so much tension in a single room, I couldn't handle it any longer. I immediately walked into my room and closed the door. I sat on my bed, curling up my legs, wanting to cry my heart out. Though, if I wanted to, there was a small pain in my arms, they feel as if they were sore, yet I don't remember working out lately. I honestly hadn't done anything all week, aside from being in my room because of how sick I've been recently; how bloated I get when I only have a small meal and waking up in cold sweat every night.

I don't wanna live like this, I can't handle this, it's too much. As my situation grows more and more, the others constantly get more worried as the days go by; I hate that. I don't want the others to worry for me when they're dealing with someone else. Sometimes I think I'm just not worth the time.

I've stayed in my room the whole time, I feel like if I go out of it, it'll be too much trouble for everyone, including me. Hoseok and Yoongi were the people who would check up on me the most than the others, either they would bring me food or just talk to me, to see how I was doing. I acknowledge how much they're caring for me like this, but still I feel like I'm a burden on them, all of them. and Jungkook doesn't even know yet. What's gonna happen to him when he does? I don't want him upset or unable to focus at school because of me. Namjoons and Seokjin hyung started working harder just to afford my doctor appointments and medications. I can't take it; I want to help myself, but I can't because of how constantly tired I am, most of the time I don't even feel like sitting up.

Even as I feel like this, I still strive to survive, to live a day longer with the guys and continue on going for as long as I can. Yet, there's about one person specifically I want to keep on living for, which won't be much of a surprise. I have a feeling to continue on living for Yoongi, to see his face, to be with him, hang out with him for just a bit longer.

I know my clock has already started, and I want to make these moments last.