Healing the Lycan Heart

Chapter One

Jacob stood face to face with Quinn's door. He didn't know why he was scared as shit to knock, but he was half tempted to turn around now and act like nothing was wrong. Just like he's been doing for weeks. Maybe he could request a position on the outskirts of pack territory where no one could bother him. He'd thought about it, damn he'd thought about it, but it wouldn't work and he knew it. The only thing keeping his boots firmly planted on the ground beneath him, was the hope that if he came clean, someone could help him. It was the only thing that would save his sanity and the alpha's.

At this point he didn't care one way or the other what happened, all he knew was that if Jessa continued her tactics much longer he would kill someone, and not in a fun war time way. No, it would be personal, and it would only reassure everyone else in the pack that Quinn needed to put him down and he couldn't let that happen. Lycans were supposed to be strong and resistant, but Jake had heard the whispers among the pack. He'd heard the rumors going around that he wasn't the same man he'd been before.

Before.

It was such an interesting word. A word no one around him would truly understand unless they could get inside his head. Before was a place he desperately wished he could return to, but it wasn't a place anymore. If it was, then being home back with the pack, would feel better, would feel normal. Home hadn't changed any. The trees looked the same, the cabins were still all in the same straight rows they had always been in. The same rickety old woman still ran the same store that sat in the same place. It was him who'd changed.

He wasn't the same mild tempered man he was before. The man that always executed fair judgement, cared for his people, and had been at the top of his game five years ago was now gone. That man was never coming back either if Jake was going to be forced to endure the hell he was currently living in much longer.

Jake clenched his fist and knocked on the office door.

"Come in," a muffled voice spoke from the other side. Jake hesitantly turned the brass knob and walked into the quaint office. Quinn was sitting on the corner of his desk, his back turned toward the door, reading something from a stack of documents that looked oddly official, "Take a seat, Jacob. I'll be right with you."

Jake sat down quietly in the brown leather chair. He didn't even know how to say what he came here to say but he needed to try. He wasn't great with words and that was part of the reason he was in this situation to begin with.

Quinn stood from his desk and placed the documents down. The alpha was in his late fifties, but you would never be able to tell just by looking at him. There were wrinkles around the eyes, some graying hairs, but his body and dominance were still in top form. Jake used to think he could take the older man -not that he wanted to- but since he'd come home, there'd been no fight left in his own body. When Quinn had offered him his old position back, Jake had refused it. He didn't want someone like him being head enforcer. Marcus was a good, strong male and had been doing a fine job while Jake had been away. He didn't see a reason to mess with a good thing, especially now that he didn't even know if he wanted to stay in the pack.

"What can I help you with," Quinn locked eyes with Jake but he wasn't able to return the act of respect. His alpha sighed and slowly went behind the desk to take a seat, giving Jake the space he desperately wanted, but didn't know how to say, "I can't help you unless you talk to me."

Jake cleared his throat, "We both know I'm not okay," Quinn nodded in agreement and his mouth turned to a frown, "I need help. I need... something."

"Okay,"

"Jessa,"

"Ahh," Quinn smiled, "I figured you'd reach out once you finally got tired of it. She's been persistent hasn't she?"