I prefer the singer...

Living a lie.

We all sat down at the table. (me, Donna , Beau and the boys) I sat in between Beau and Ashton and Luke sat opposite me. God this was so awkward. Beau and Ashton both placed one of their hands on my leg while Luke kept playfully nudging me with his feet. I pushed Beau's hand of my lap and pulled my feet away from Luke's. I know it was a bit late to say it but I needed to stay loyal to Ashton. I grabbed Ashton's hand and kissed his cheek. He smiled but didn't look me right in the eye. We haven't looked at each other the same since the whole drunk thing. But it was hard for me to still look at him the same when I love someone else. And that someone else is always around! I constantly lied through my teeth and it was killing me. I was hating the person I was becoming. I wasn't being truthful to myself. I wasn't being me. Some part of me will always love Ashton but not in that way because that place in my heart has been taken by Luke.

The situation got more awkward when Donna brought up relationships. I couldn't take it. I needed an excuse to leave the table.

"I'm off to the toilet." I said quickly running off. Once I got into the toilet I just looked at myself in the mirror.
"What are you becoming?" I whispered to myself.
"You're a lier. A cheater." I whispered to myself again. I felt tears forming in my eyes. I looked away from the mirror and tried not to think about it. I didn't want them to see me cry. I didn't want them to know how weak I was.

I walked back to the table and sat down. I looked at Calum and I could tell he knew something was up.
"I'm staying at Michael's tonight." Ashton whispered in my ear. I nodded and looked back at Calum. I stood up and gestured for him to follow me. He did so and we stood outside.
"What's up?" He asked hugging me.
"Can I stay at yours tonight?" I whispered into his ear.
"As long as nothing happens between you and Luke." he said laughing slightly but I knew he was serious. I nodded and smiled at him before walking back in.