Scars

Moving on

There he was standing there, looking at me, waiting for me. Everyday I see him in this position, everyday we walk . But today that was about to change, for when i noticed his attention was not on me, but someone behind me. I ignored his glance past me and decided to keep walking anyways, and when i noticed him walking toward me my worries went away. Untill he passed me, as our shoulders glazed eachother my heart skipped a beat and not in the fairytale way. No instead my stomach clunched. I didn't even bother to look back , for i know if i did i wouldnt have liked what i saw. I skipped the rest of the day at school, I just sat out behind the trailors lost in my music. Thats how i was the rest of the week, so caught up in the lyrics i forgot about everything else, prom, midterm final, my essay. The day i decided to go back to school i couldn't face anyone, simply because i knew what everyone thought, and i also knew they were right,

i did cut,

i did smoke,

and i did take pills.

For those were things that defined me now,especially after last year..... I lied, i promised i would never do any of that again after that incident. But i knew i would eventually have to face him. 

He gradually walked up to me

"Hey".

I didn't answer him not once the whole time. He finally grabbed my arm, i turned to see a face full of fear, fear of what i did and what i might've done. I just looked at my feet to avoid any emotions coming up....

"I'm sorry." I had failed , for i felt tears building up in my face.

"Fuck Dawn, why? Why would you even think about doing something so stupid."

He didn't have to say much after that, he already acomplished making me feel like shit. But i came back, because it put it on me as if i wanted to hurt, as if i was the only one that broke a promise.

"Do you really have the nerve to talk to me like that? You know what if you really cared how come in the past  week ive been out you didn't text me or try to come over once, how come you didnt talk to me on monday, why? You know the only reason why i made that promise was because you also made a promise to me that you wouldn't let me, that you wouldn't leave me alone. But guess what , thats what you did, everytime i passed you in the hall you didn't say one word to me not one. And you expect me not to react in that way or anyway, you expect me to just let it go. let the fact that you ignored me go. Well your wrong, because when you promise someone that you'll be there for them and you leave them , im sorry but people like me dont take it very well."

I turned away and pulled my arm away from his grip.

"Good-bye"

I walked away slowly, not looking back i pulled my self together and acted like nothing had happened as i exited the school. When i got to my car i wasn't upset anymore but i was angry, angry at him, angry at myself for leaving the one person who ,even though left me alone acouple of days, was always there for me.

Nothing much happened after that i convinced my mom to let me do online schooling, because i didn't want to see him again and i didn't want to stay in school for another 3 years. Month after month, everything seemed to get worse , but season after season everything seemed to get better again, things seemed like they were before all this, before the incident. I finally finished school a years later on online. I got a job at Wal-mart, and every pay check i got i saved and saved untill i finally saved enough to take that trip to france that i had been planning since 6th grade. Nobody could take that away from me. The night before my trip i sat down and started to pack up the rest of my room because i was moving there, i found a really great guy that was going to let me stay with him. His name was Benoit It means blessed, he said his parents named him that because they felt they were blessed with such a beautiful child. When he told me that i felt the same way. We'd been talking for about a year now and we have so much in common, i never stop thinking about him we skype alot. He's the only man who has understood everything that i've gone through and is understanding of things i have done. I feel so blessed but in our relationship over the past year i haven't once mentioned Chris.