Dear Diary ,
11:00Am
I had my second to last therapy session 3 days ago with Dr.perry-winkle. She goes to tell me " In order to fix your anxiety , You should write in this book everyday. Updating it on the accomplishments you achieved through out the day and The feelings you might've had but couldn't express.". when she said that I looked at her in confusion because in my head I'm trying to piece this puzzle together on how a book can help me from worrying about every single thing that happens daily in the life of Loal. So I've had this book for 3 days , Just trying to figure out how to piece together my thoughts. Guess I've got the hang of things because lol I'm writing in it now. I feel so weird because isn't this like talking to myself. I don't know but I am about to head out.
7:00pm
Ive just made it back from the market. I had to pick up a few things for my condo. speaking of which I live in California and I work as an assistant for Frankie who is chair for ivy park industries. I file her papers and help with ideas for the next big style. Recently I came up with the idea to send big orange suit case boxes to certain celebrities to promote the launch of the new ivy looks we have coming this spring. Of course I didn't get credit for the idea because Frankie was chair , But it still helps to know that MY idea was a hit. I look on instagram and I see Ciara excited to see her box waiting for her in the drive way of her Malibu home. That gave me a sense of confidence because I am 24 years of age just graduated from the luxurious Alabama state university where I received my bachelors in Business and marketing . I can definitely go very far with my great ideas. But I was taught to watch , learn , perfect , then build your own. Not saying i'll build off of Frankies failures but i'll know not to make the same mistakes. Learning process at its finest.
11:00 Pm
I can't seem to sleep. Ive been up organizing files and getting things together for this launch that I just can't seem to rest my mind. I worry about everything , ever since my miscarriage I've been suffering from anxiety and depression. I could never pin point what went wrong. I was happy and stress free living life awaiting my bundles of joy. God had other plans so when I received the news I didn't grieve. I went straight into work and spent late nights and long days there. I worked so much in 2 weeks my check was 4,000 Thats after tax. I didn't want to have any time to spare because then I would have to face the reality that I was actually broken. I was hurt and I was missing my son. I had life plans , I still have his room ready for when he was supposed to come home. I haven't been in there since the miscarriage which was 9 months ago. I still haven't grieved his loss. Maybe thats why I go through what I go through. But let me finish up this work and ill be write again tomorrow .
