Roza sounds like Rose

Now that your gone

This dreadful morning  I struggle with the memory muscle to move my legs, or maybe its the darkness fighting my need. I hear shouting in the distance. Only when I strain my ears do I hear shouting in the distance. Its then when i strain i hear the negative from my parents across the house. Hear we go again . I can't put engery  into straining enough to hear the words that were exchanged between the parents.     

   At this time it was just another disagreement.  My eyes blink a few times as i adjust to the sun beaming through my window, as i sat there in the middle of the bed trying to piece together yesterday and last night. It all blurred together, just like the days, now that you are gone. 

   Wondering which version of you  I might get on the phone tonight.   Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you. I cant go there again, i can't let you consume every part of me.  Long were the days were my nights revolved around you. Now i revolved around the darkness that draws me in.    Don't you think i was too young to be messed with. A girl in the dress, cried the whole way home.  

  What feels like hours has passed when i finally convinced my brain to convince my body to move the muscle so I walk to the bathroom. The once room  i can't convince myself to rid of your presence. Maybe its my blind optimism to blame or your sick need to give love then take it away. Maybe we got lost in translation or maybe that i asked too much. Maybe this was a master piece till you tore it all up. So casually cruel in the name of being honest. I'm a crumbled up piece of paper lying here. Cause i remember it all to well. Time doesn't fly. It's like I'm paralyzed by it. I would love to be my old self again. I convinced my legs to shuffle their way to the bathroom. I take a second to look in the mirror. I must of blinked a few times before I concluded I need a shower.

          With my hair copying looks from being electrified. It takes me few times to shampoo my hair until it looks somewhat okay to leave. 40 minutes later I think I can say it is safe to leave the shower. I stood there still wrapped in a towel in front of my mirror. I look over my blond hair. That lose the blond as the sun stays away from it. I take a turn to look at my eyes. The one that people tell me that the ocean resides in my eyes . My cheeks are filled and fluffy.  I can't take it for long. So I shuffled out of the way. My mother accused me of losing my mind. But I swore I was fine. You paint me a blue sky then you go and turn it into rain.

   So I make my way to the closet. None of these clothes are reaching my mood. I wish I had my hoodie and sweat pants but I can't reach out to you to get my clothes. 
I cant bear to reach out one more time to have you say goodbye.