Poison Craving

Part One: Dan

Part One: Dan

It’s easy to start with him because to me it always goes back to him. He wasn’t my first kiss or my first boyfriend, or the first guy I ever had a crush on. He was the one I believed to be my first love. He was the one I couldn’t get out of my head always. We all have a Dan, he’s either the one that got away or the one we really never had.

Dan and I first met when craziness and hormones were on high alert. Junior High. We came together with one goal in mind, to be popular. I was an awkward seventh grader and he was plump eighth grader.

 Our connection didn’t start until one day, a Friday to be exact, my friend gave me his football jersey. I asked that day in the gym if he was okay with me wearing his jersey, and he just smiled at me and said sure. I felt like I just asked him to be my boyfriend, but I was unsure.

That night I became very sure, at the high school football game he came up to me with all his friends, pulled me aside and asked me a question I was waiting for. I was someone’s girlfriend and I couldn’t believe it.

 Well, I was his girlfriend for about three days, when the weekend broke so did our relationship.

The year went on, I flirted, and he dated more girls. When track season rolled around Dan started to become a new person.  A much smaller person, and achieved the popularity we both wanted so much. I watched as he became a new person, and he watched me become even more awkward.

School ended, and not only the weather got hotter, I did too.

In mid-June I hit puberty, and hard. I went from four feet to five foot four inches and ninety-eight pounds. That wasn’t all; my sister got me my first straightener and my crazy wavy wherever hair couldn’t thank her enough.

This was the summer I started to believe I was perfect. I finally had everything. I spent that whole summer hidden away in my new house, and with my few close friends. Before I knew it, I was the girl everyone wanted to be with.

My house was the party house, and I loved my new found junior high popularity. Dan and I would see each other occasionally if he stopped by my then best friend Kelsey’s house. All we would do is exchange glances and a few words. That summer went by too fast, and I was thrown into the best year of my teenage life.

Eighth grade is a trying time for most teenagers that’s when braces get screwed on and two eyes became four. For me, I didn’t have to try at anything. I walked into my first day as if I was a celebrity and waiting for people to ask for my autograph. I thought I was the hottest and smartest one in that place.

I knew I didn’t have Dan to bump into at school since he was in high school now so I kept my head up and went through my year forgetting all about Dan.

If only my friends would allow me to do the same.

There is a reason Kelsey used to be my best friend and it’s something I don’t really like to think of, but something that is hard to ignore. Unlike Dan I have to see her almost every day, this school just gets smaller the more bridges burned. And even though it may seem like everyone should love me I have my blow torch out and burning them down at an alarming rate.

I always wanted to be this popular girl that could do no wrong in people’s eyes, but the thing about teenage girls is that we hate everyone but ourselves and I was the most selfish one there was.

I pushed everyone away; especially my best friend and that came to bite me in the heart.

Kelsey and I were friends since pre-K and I knew everything about her and vice versa, she even knew my burning love for Dan. So when I caught them in my drunken haze kissing on my basement couch, I didn’t understand what was going on in my life.

My best friend was kissing a boy that I so desperately wanted to be with. I wanted to scream at her I wanted to blame it all on her. Every time I saw her afterwards I just wanted to throw up on her converse.

So seeing her now in the hall way next to my locker was making the air I ate for breakfast come back up.

“Hey Hannah, I was hoping I would see you.”

Really you’re at my locker, I would give anything to just bolt to class but like the polite little girl my mom made me I just smile back.

“Listen I really hope we can put the summer behind us and go back to being the friends we were, I’ve really missed you,” I could her mouth moving but all I could think about was those lips were on my Dan. I said the first thing that came to mind and they came out like vomit.

“Well I wish we could go back to that too, but we can’t unless you can reverse you putting your tongue down any guys’ throat you wanted. I don’t really want to be friends with the school’s slut.”

As soon as I said it I wanted to take it back, but just like she couldn’t unkiss Dan this was done, it was said.  I lit my first fire, I saw the tears well up in her eyes and I wanted to console my once best friend but I knew that I just couldn’t get that night out of my mind.

I went through that first day smiling with my new friends, and I loved that people wanted to be near me.

If only every day could be like that first day. I already had the fire in my eyes though, and this wasn’t the only match I started it was only the beginning. I was a brokenhearted teenager and to avoid being burned I had to set everyone on fire.

When I got home that day I couldn’t help but run up to my room, I needed a break and process everything.

I went out to the roof just outside my bedroom with my sketch pad, and tried to focus on drawing my favorite tree instead memories came flooding in.

I haven’t entered the basement since that night and I begged my parents to burn that couch that I lost my first love and best friend, but they refused I hated them for that.

All I could do was avoid the area all together if only that made me forget everything.

The party that the “incident” happened was Kelsey’s and mine joint birthday party, since we were only four days apart and have been having one together since we were six.

Everyone was invited, well everyone that mattered, and was my first huge party with drinking. It was the huge house party I always saw in movies and I was blissfully happy.

I thought it was the night that I would finally just tell Dan how I felt about him and our short romance will be kindled once again into a full fledged relationship.

To do this though I needed some liquid courage, and I may have gotten too much.

While I was searching for the love of my short life, I found the door to the den in the basement shut and I remember telling everyone no closed doors because I didn’t want any funny business.

I flew the door open and yelled at the couple swapping spit, I instantly turned pale when I saw who they were.

There was Dan, the boy that stole my heart and was the perfect boy. He was sweet, abs for days, and his gorgeous blonde hair was always tousled just right. I was crushed I wanted to strangle the bleach blonde whore that was under him.

Then I saw her, my best friend. The girl I shared a bath with when we were younger and the only one who I thought could do no wrong.

My natural instinct came through and I threw up. How could anyone not blow chunks seeing this happen?

This is when my heart broke not because of Dan but of the girl I called my sister.

She tried to say something to make me feel better, Dan just slid out of the room. She tried to apologize, but I didn’t want to hear her hopeless pleas. I just wanted to be away from her.

I kicked everyone out and she stayed standing there waiting for me to accept her apology. Instead I jammed her in the shoulder and with a clenched jaw said, “Get the hell out of my house and my life.”

That night I was robbed of my innocence and ruined me, I knew I could never trust anyone else again.