Love is strange

Him

It hurts.It hurts because of every moment we spent together, every smile you gave me , every message...Is this worth it ? Is this worth destroying , crying every hour ? Well yes...I don't want you to leave me even though you are making me sad.No, I don't want because you were the only thing that makes me happy and now this...I am not enough to you ?My love isn't enough to you? Where I went wrong? I didn't love you enough...I know... but you didn't let me, I was scared to hurt you but you did it to me... I got what I was most afraid of...to lose you... and not only did I lose you but for no reason at all...Is it up to me? Everything could have stopped a lot earlier or not...everything could have continued a lot better, because you are not aware how much I love you and how much I can love you and give you love that I am not even aware is hiding inside me...You wake up in me a lot of different feelings right now...from purest love to greatest hatred...but no, there's no reason to hate you, it's not your fault if you don't love me or if you love another girl...It's just up to me, I wasn't enough to you. All I wanted was you to be happy and the reason for your happiness to be me...but obviously it isn't possible...If I hurt you somehow I am so sorry none of it was intentional...I didn't have any bad intentions... it was just love that led me...So maybe I chose the wrong path...my love, I only wanted you to give me some love and attention...and when you did that for example once in two weeks I was the happiest person...I can't describe to you how easy you won me...I don't know there is something in you that attracts me...I am crazy about you...I planned that you will be part of my life because without you nothing makes sense to me...but you decided to go on the easiest path...break up right ? Is it the way that everything is solving today ? I guess...is there another way?of course...do you want to solve this in another way?...obviously not...one stupid conversation can solve everything but no, you don't want to...I won't force you...I won't torture you...everything can be solved...but the question is the way and desire...You chose the worst way and the desire doesn't even exist...you are killing me...you destroyed me, killed me, broke me psychologically and emotionally...are you happy now?are you proud of what you did ? I mean nice...really after everything we had together...I gave myself to you...slowly but you won my soul, heart and body...I am all yours but aren't aware of that...You lost me before you got me because of your stupid behavior...because of your indifference...And what could I do ? What can I do? Nothing...only to cry and be sad...it hurts and I don't hide it...it is hard and it's harder with every second that passes... I need someone to hug me, no I need you to hug me...Do you remember when we were hugging and no one was saying a word ? And then you would kiss my neck so I turn to you and you could start kissing me...idiot what have you done to me ? My idiot I love you, yes I love you so much... I am even missing the silence with you, I miss you that much...But you don't need me, do you? Do you remember when you told me that you are scared and excited every time you would see me ? I didn't say anything because I was scared and excited every time you send me a text...you know when you told me that you aren't okay because you didn't see me in two days ? Well I wasn't good either because I missed you every second...you know...the first time you told me you love me...and that you are scared that I will be angry or mad? I didn't get angry or mad because I loved you more than anything...Every time I pray to God to see you sooner, to feel your smell...ugh my baby...when I miss you I feel it everywhere and everything reminds me of you...Your touch was waking indescribable excitement in me, I loved you even more...I wanted to spend more time with you...Now that I don't have you...I hate everyone and everything...I can't even eat...nor my favorite food...but you...but when you bought me something I enjoyed it like it was the best thing in the world...My little bear...every time you were close to me, my heart wanted to jump and prove you that it only loves you...I want you now...to kiss me slowly like you did the first time,then look deeply into my eyes, smile, kiss my nose and hug me...I want to caress you...The last time we were together you didn't wear the hood as you usually did...and you also making me wear the hood because you thought I am cold...I caressed you on your little head and neck...I miss you...I miss your smile, your touch, smell, love, everything that is connected with you...But now while I am destroying myself , torturing myself you are somewhere out and enjoy yourself...you don't need to be out, you just don't care about me...I was always asking myself if you think about me sometimes..?You used to tell me that you think about me but now...? Does this hurt you?Before going to bed, do you ever want me to be next to you and hug you..? Oh I also miss your dirty jokes haha, every time I told you that I am taking shower you wanted to be in the shower with me...I smiled...It was cute to me to know that you want to be near me...Not that I didn't want to but now everything is destroyed... I remember our first date...oh what was that...I couldn't sleep because I was scared,I woke up early to take shower and get ready so I can be beautiful to you...I wanted you to like me because you were already deep inside my heart...That shy behavior...Every time when I looked into your eyes after two seconds you looked away...I wasn't better I admit...I also couldn't hide my feelings...I liked your proximity...