If I Fell - Grey's Anatomy

I.

It was the night George O'Malley had held a heart in his hand, and the adrenaline was still there, rushing through his veins. He had reacted surprisingly well under pressure, following every step of Dr Burke's instructions in that stuck elevator. He had touched the aorta, felt the spine, plugged the hole in the patient's heart, but above all, he'd saved a real human being—all by himself.

Even Dr Bailey had given him a look of approval as he gathered his things, and followed his friends to the bar across the street.

The hours passed at Joe's, and he was reminded of why he wanted to be a doctor in the first place: because of the thrill it was to save lives. Izzie, Meredith, and Cristina drank to him for his first accomplishment as a surgeon. It was a good night.

However, despite his success, there was still a tiny part of him that felt rather gloomy and sour, and he couldn't figure out the reason. In fact, he shouldn't be feeling anything at all except for pride. It bothered him so much that George left the bar early, his only instinct being to go back to the hospital. 

He told the girls to go home without him—"I have to check on some other patients," George lied—and wandered around the hospital grounds drunk and aimlessly. He was about to give up and go home, when he saw Alex Karev, sitting on one of the benches of the hospital with a dazed look, staring off into space.

Oh crap. George cursed in his mind as it all fell into place.

For a couple of days, George had been meaning to confront Alex about his attitude, or lack of it. Ever since he blew off Izzie on the night of their date, there seemed to be something... off with him. He became less menacing and cocky, but somehow, in a way that diminished his ambition, which was one of the few things George liked about him. 

It was almost like Alex was trying to be a wimp, after the way he backed out of freakin' open heart surgery in front of everyone. And though normally, George wouldn't have even cared, this time around, he had to step in for his best friend, Izzie Stevens.

The blonde had been dumping all her boy troubles onto George, because what were best friends for? She complained about Alex, while George rambled on and on about Meredith, and even though neither of them ever came up with a solution to their problems, it felt better to have someone there to listen to his complaints.

At first, he had been forced to like Alex because Izzie did, but somewhere along the way, George had developed his own sympathy for him, too. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed that they were both outcasts in their own ways: Alex was an asshole with shitty parents, while George came off awkward and creepy.

He understood that no one had time to baby him; in the medical field, it was everyone for themselves. But then again, why were Meredith and Cristina so close? Why did the three girls stick together while George was called names and made fun of for his problems? 

Although he tries his best to be nice, it still seems like nobody needs him and nobody cares about him. He almost began to think that being closed off and aloof was easier than being there for people who weren't there for him.

From then on, he cared for Alex Karev, too, in his odd little ways, because as far as he knew, the two were one and the same when it came to keeping friends. After their horrendous date, Izzie just assumed he went back to his old ways, baking and fuming for hours, but George wasn't so sure—did Karev act so cold because that's who he is, or because it was an easy mask to hide behind?

He couldn't tell anymore.

That's why George O'Malley was lingering in the Seattle rain at 11 PM on a Saturday night, waiting to talk to Alex Karev, of all people. He didn't even know if he was going to argue with him or apologize to him. He thought of the way he'd gloated all night in front of everyone, knowing that Alex chickened out when everyone expected him to take the knife, and the guilt came pouring in.