I Don't Wanna Do This Anymore

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a/n: i haven't updated in SO LONG. i'm gonna finish this book up for a couple of reasons. writing doesn't really make me happy anymore, i have family and friend problems, and i need to focus on school and basketball. hopefully i will find my love for writing again but for now, idk what to do with this book.

sorry in advance for this shitty chapter.
_roniiide_ forced me to update.

shakira's p.o.v

i haven't went out of the house for almost three weeks now. what jahseh did to me fucked me up really bad. i really thought that i would have a good future with him and our future child but he's out here cheating on me with his ex.

not gonna lie, i feel so worthless. i really thought that he was my ride or die and that we wouldn't do anything to hurt each other. someone kept knocking on my front door but i didn't bother to get up. i don't have the strength for that.

i've been crying like crazy and i look like complete shit. i haven't done any self care stuff in a long time. the only reason why i eat is because i'm pregnant but i end up vomiting everything anyway.

the knocks got louder and louder and i heard someone talking.

"kira please open the door." a voice said.

i decided to finally get up after hearing knocked for ten minutes. i draped my throw blanket around my body and walked down the stairs slowly. i feel so weak.

i looked through the peephole and saw stokeley with a bag of stuff for me.

i unlocked the door and cracked it open. "hey stokes. how have you been?" i asked him.

"it doesn't matter right now." he said as he let himself in. "i should be asking you that but your appearance says everything."

"yeah." i chuckled. "shakira you're not okay and that's not good. look at yourself."

"i'm just so tired of everything, stokeley." i said quietly. my voice cracked and stokeley pulled me towards him.

"you're going to be okay. don't give up. just because the incident with jahseh happened, doesn't mean you need to let go of yourself like this. you need to do this for yourself and that baby. nobody else, okay?" he said which made me start crying.

he let me cry on his shoulder as he kept talking. "have you been taking your antidepressants?" he asked me.

i shook my head. "shakira you have to take them. you know what happens if you don't." he sighed.

"i know." i said, wiping my stinging eyes.

"here, eat this." he said. "i can't eat." i responded.

"you can do this, okay? just eat slowly." he said and handed me a sandwich.

"for you and the baby." he said, looking me in my eyes.

i nodded and took a bite and felt nauseous almost immediately.

"no, no, no. it's okay. you got this." stokeley said as i tried to get up.

i slowly took one bite at a time.

"i'm gonna get you some water." he said.

i looked at myself in the mirror from where i was sitting down and began to cry.

i'm breaking my already broken self even more...

stokeley gave me a side hug and then handed me my water.

i began to drank it but it was just too heavy and the glass broke.

"kira are you okay!?" stokeley said while i just watched the blood flow out of my hand from the broken glass.

"don't move! i'm getting bandaids."

it's not like i was trying to go anywhere anyway.

i felt my baby kick which made me smile for a second.

stokeley came running down the stairs with a first aid kit.

"kira you're depressed right now so i'm staying with you in this house. you can't be alone at this time. i'm going to take care of you. i love you, okay?" he said and then kissed my head.

"thank you stokes. i love you too." saying that hurt because i never thought i would say that anytime soon.

i wonder if jahseh still loves me or not.

tears fell down my face as i thought about him.

stokeley hugged me as i silently cried.

a/n: idk what this was

TBC...
723 words...