Cross My Heart

Cross My Heart Chap One- Continued

Chapter one- continued 

I pushed open the heavy wooden doors and walked outside, enjoying the hot L.A sunshine on my skin, then glanced back at the ivy covered buildings on campus. This is where I spent my four years of high school. And now, in just a few days, I'll be graduating and going off to Yale. It's going to be a looong five days. 

I sighed heavily and pushed a lock of my wavy, chesnut coloured hair out of my eyes. 

I wondered how i was going to spend my summer. Curled up in the window winowseat, doing some reading? Hmm... That sounds nice. Or playing beach volleyball by the ocean, and breathing in that salty Los Angeles beach scent? I wish I could do all that, but instead, I'll be dragged along with my sister Christy, to the St.Bart's for my mother's honeymoon. Yes, honeymoon.

Dad died two years ago, a tragic and mysterious death. People thought he was suicidal, running into a tree on purpose. I frowned whenever I think about that. My dad was a very logical and intelligent. He would have never done anything that stupid. He loved me, right?In my dim, childhood memories, I only remembered two males. My father, and my ex-best friend, Nathaniel Jacobson. My father was never home. He was in the oil business and was always traveling to exotic destinations. My ex-best friend on the other hand, was always there. He was the one I road my bike with, the one I ran to when I was sad or depressed. Even though he was only a year older than me, he was always the one that I counted on. The one that shielded me from the rest of the world. I still remember him quite clearly, his foppy sun-kissed sandy brown hair and beautiful eyes. 

Of course, this isn't some kind of fairy tale.

Nate and his family moved away to Switzerland the day I turned eight years old. He never told me that he was moving away. They just got up and left. Without telling anyone. That part of my life seemed unreal now. And even though it was not that long time ago, the momories seemed unreal, like a book that I've read in grade four, or a old movie that I've watched while I was drousy. It was like everything was a dream. I remember him leaving, remember me sobbing and sobbing for days, my mother's cool hand stroking my hair and murmuring words into my ear.  After that, I did my best to cover up that broken part of my heart. By keeping busy. I didn't allow myself to think about him. I didn't let myself feel anymore. Surprisingly, it worked. But even though I was good at avoiding the topic of Nate, some memories just keep on sliding back. Like the time we rode our bikes to the forest and played hide and seek, Nate falling into a mud puddle. Like the time we ate nothing but oreos for a whole day and ending up feeling sick for a whole week. Like...

Like the time we kissed. The feeling of his arms around me. 

I lie and tell people that I've never kissed a boy before, just because I don't want to remember that day or moment of my life ever again. I don't want my heart to hurt anymore. So I lie. I lie to my mother, saying that I love my life. I lie to my friends, saying that I've never had real friends before them. And I lie to myself, saying that Nate never exsisted. Which was hard, because he often appeared on People magazine. Showing a blurry picture of him with his arms around a tall, blond, Christy-clone. I guess his life is pretty sweet. Oh! And that's another reason why I hate him! He managed to ruin my life, but he's living the life of a celeberity. But I learned to ignore the magazines and throw them out when my sister leaves a pile of them stacked on the kitchen counter. I told them that I hated celeberity gossip and I hated Nathaniel Jacobson. 

Eventually, I was good at lying. Good at hiding the truth.

Sometimes, when nobody's home and I'm feeling gloomy. I sit in my room and hate him. Hate Nate. I hated him for ruining my life, for runing my eighth birthsay party. For making my life miserable. I hate him. I honestly do. You think for a second that someone's going to be there for you forever, and the next day they dissapear from your life...