Serotonin

Script one.

Self.

Ah, I didn't want to start this this way, I am not even sure...I don't want to tell you what I am doing, where I am staying, if I am alive or...

What time is it? Why time flies so fast or so slow? I am not even aware if it's day or night, have you ever wondered why in a blink of an eye light goes and then darkness comes?

So many questions in my mind now, which one should be the first one? Can I even find the answers or my brain will explode because of this pointless overthinking.

I am feeling suffocated, I can't even breath properly, I thought, I thought for a moment that I can start all over, that life isn't a straight line and if I want to change all my past decisions I can, but now, sitting here in agony I can't even...

I can see my arm standing there, on the cold flor stiles, my veins are blue, so swollen, will they explode? Maybe for the last time I will see that red river, the river that kept me alive for so long, will you be happy?

I am feeling so sleepy, I want to close my eyes, I want to dream, to have that dream again, the one that I told you about...my biggest secret, baby.

21st of September 2019

-Sir? Sir? Sir, can you hear me?

- Ah, mm..sorry, sorry, I fell asleep.

- No problem, sir. I am sorry on the name of the company for letting you wait that much. I don't understand why all of the sudden so many people want to travel to South Korea.

She is so pretty, that thought came into my mind the second she woke me up. Tall, I believe 1.70, skinny, full red lips and dark hair. My type.

I didn't even mind that I had to wait for about one and a half hour to buy a plane ticket to Seoul, why would I? Shortly I will be able to leave this painful life behind and start a new one. I will be a new person, no one will know me, no one will be able to judge me because I can create the image I want, I can have the friends I want, everything will be different...

- So, sir, do you want a two way ticket or?

- No, just one way.

Ah, seriously, when I became so unpolite, I didn't even let her finish the question. Kai, focus, don't be so silly.

- Alright, then I will book one way flight to Seoul on 21st of September, at 10:00 AM. The hour is fine or you want me to find another that will leave latter?

- No, it's fine, I want to arrive there as soon as possible.

- Fair enough. Thank you for choosing Qatar Airways, don't hesitate to contact me if you have any other uncertainties, here, this is my personal phone number.

She smiled and she handled me the small yellow sticky note. For a moment I thought that she is flirting with me, but then I realized that it is impossible, my love life was such a mess, I was hurt over and over, humiliated over and over, why would I even care if someone finds me attractive. Anyway, the only thing that they see is my physical appearance, do they even mind to know me?

I left the office stretching my body, when I walked out the room, the sun light hit me in the face, ah, so warm. I really love this.

Kai, this is a new start for your, from now on you'll be able to tell people what you want, to create your own background. To create happiness.