Lost

Hogwarts, Hospital Wing, 1997

An awkward silence settled down on the Hospital Wing. The tension of the argument was in the air and everyone was staring uncomfortably at Lupin and Tonks.

Lupin was looking at the floor, avoiding everyone's eyes. Couldn't they just see that he wasn't good enough for her? He loved her. He really did. But she deserved someone better than him. Better than the poor shabby werewolf that he was. But somehow she loved him. He couldn't understand that. How could he be worth of love? How could anyone love him, knowing the monster that he was? How could she say that she didn't care?

On the other hand, Tonks was speechless. She felt bad for yelling at Remus in front of everyone, specially when many of them had no idea that she had fallen for him. Although, she was really mad. He always said the same things when she tried to talk to him. That he was too poor. That he was too old. That he was too dangerous. When would he realize that he was being a fool? And now, to make everything even worst, everyone was looking at them. She couldn't stand it. The silence was driving her crazy. His silence.The fact that he was quiet, looking at the floor, trying to avoid the reality. She could feel the tears burning her eyes, trying to come out. Without a word, she left the Hospital Wing.

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"You're being ridiculous, Remus Lupin, ridiculous." Molly yelled.
"No I'm not!" He didn't want to argue anymore. Dumbledore was dead, for Merlin's sake! He was too dangerous for her. There's no way he would let himself hurt her. "I'm a werewolf Molly! I can hurt her!"
"You're already doing it! Can't you see how miserable she looks?"
Molly was right at that point. He needed to admit it. Tonks didn't even look like her anymore. She had lost weight, had lost her powers and her Patronus had changed.
"Depression, Remus. That's what she is going through. Because of you. You're worried about how damaged she would be but you should be worried about how damaged she already is."
He couldn't argue with her. He knew that she was right. He felt guilty. All her suffer. All her pain. He was the reason. Everything he didn't want to do to her. Molly was right. He had been ridiculous.
"Go, find her and try to fix this."
He didn't need to hear Molly saying it twice.

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He finally found her. She was at the bridge. As he got closer he realized that she was staring at the moon. He couldn't help but smile.
"May I?" Remus asked.
"Yeah." She replied.
They stayed quiet for a long time. Finally, Tonks broke the silence:
"If you're here to repeat yourself it is a waste of time. I've heard it the first time. I know, I know, you're "too old, too poor, too dangerous". And I guess you heard that I don't give a damn about it the first time too. And I'm sorry, by the way, I shouldn't have yelled at you in front of everyone and I..."
"You don't need to apologize." Remus interrupted "You were right. The whole time. I was being stupid. I'm so sorry. I really am."
She looked at him, her expression showing nothing more than disbelief. Now that her face was turned to him, he could see the tears rolling down her face. It was painful to see her hurting that much
"Can you forgive me?" He asked.
A small grin showed up on the corner of her mouth.
"Sure."
He smiled at her and wiped softly the tears of her cheek. She was smiling too. How much he had missed it. How much he had missed her smile. Her laugh. Her eyes. Her joy. Her clumsiness. Her happiness. Her.
"I've missed you, Tonks." He confessed.
"I've missed you too."

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They didn't know how much time they spent in silence on that bridge, watching the sunrise, her head resting on his chest, his arm around her shoulders, just enjoying the fact that they could be with each other.
Even though they were finally with together, the sadness of loosing Dumbledore seemed to be making their hearts sink in a very slow way. Specially his. Losing someone was far away from new to Lupin. He didn't want to admit it, but he was already used to it and he knew how to deal with that. Or at least he thought so. This time seemed different. Usually, he was alone after loosing someone: when Lily and James died, he lost Sirius and Peter too. He had no one, all his friends were gone. When he lost his father he was as lonely as he could be. When he lost Sirius for the second time, he pulled Tonks way and shortly after went to live with the werewolves. No one to talk to either. He always accepted his loneliness and bottled up his emotions so he wouldn't suffer. He always tried not to think and not to feel. It did work until that day. But now he had opened his heart. He had let himself love Tonks. His emotions were far away from bottled. And, for the first time, he had someone. For the first time, he had a shoulder to cry on. For the first time, he listened to his heart and not to his brain. He wasn't prepared to face Dumbledore's death. He was the first person that had ever believed in him, the only one who gave him a decent job, even though he knew that he was a werewolf. He always seemed to have everything under control and yet he was dead. Dead.
He could feel the tears burning his cheeks. Tonks noticed it immediately. She wiped them gently with a sad smile.
"It's seems unreal doesn't it? He always knew what to do... I'm sorry for your lost Remus, I know that he was a very special person to you."
Lupin started crying harder. He couldn't hold himself. His tears weren't only because of Dumbledore. All his suppressed pain, all his bottled emotions, all the things he thought that he had left in the past, they were all coming out. Tonks pulled him in tight hug. It only toke him a few moments to hug her back and to rest his head on her shoulder. It felt good to have someone. It felt good to have her. He felt safe in her arms. He felt like he could cry forever with no fear.
"It's alright, Remus, it's alright..." she whispered.
It was heartbreaking to see him that hurt. She never expected this reaction from him. He was always so rational and calm and yet he seemed so damaged and broken. His tears didn't mean that he was weak tough. They meant that he had been strong for too long.
"They are gone. They are all gone." he muttered between sobs. " I only have you. I can't loose you too. Because I love you."
She looked at him in the eye, smiling. She had been waiting for him to say these words for so long.
"I love you too, Remus".
Lupin was fascinated by the way those few simple words made his heart jump from happiness. He couldn't understand why she had chosen him, but he was glad that she did it. He loved her so much. He loved her smile, her scent, her eyes. Holy crap, those eyes were so beautiful. That deep shade of blue. And they were getting closer. Only a few inches apart. Lupin closed the distance between them, kissing her gently. She was caught by surprise but quickly kissed him back. It felt so right. For a few moments there was no pain, no war, no fear. There were just the two of them and that kiss that they wanted to last forever.

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"We should get back to the Hospital Wing, don't you think?" Lupin asked.
"Maybe..." Tonks replied, with a wide smile on her face. That smile looked so good on her. It was so easy to make her happy and yet it took him so much time.
They started walking, holding hands. Being around her always made the darkest nightmares seem a bit more brighter. She always knew what to say and what to do to cheer him up. She had seen the worst of him, she had been there, in Grimauld Place, awake the whole night, every single full moon. She had seen him after it. How miserable and vulnerable he was. He had pulled her away, he had been a prat for months and still, she was there when he needed her the most.
"By the way, I'm gonna ask Professor Slughorn to teach me the Wolfsbane Potion" Tonks announced suddenly.
"There is no need..."
"It wasn't a question, Remus John Lupin".
As usual, she was there for him. And he couldn't be more grateful.
They were walking down the stairs when Tonks tripped on the step. She would have had a terrible fall if Remus wasn't there. He grabbed her arm gently but firmly, the way he used to do when she tripped on that damn umbrella stand in Grimauld Place. She couldn't help but smile. She had missed it so bad.
"Careful, young lady" he said, smiling widely. For Merlin's sake, if that rare smile wasn't beautiful.
"Believe me, I'm trying" it felt so good to have him around again. Like the missing part of her heart had come back. She was feeling more alive than ever.

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Everyone in that Hospital Wing was silent. And silence can be very heavy sometimes. It was in a mix of shock and relief that they watched Lupin and Tonks entering in the room, grinning and talking loudly.
"You tripped like 3 times in 5 minutes. That should be a record!"
"Believe me, far away from it" she answered, laughing. She realized how much she had miss it. Laughing. She hadn't done it in a long time. She was back. The real Tonks was finally back.