No One [Nico di Angelo]

No One

I don't know where I am.

I don't think that really matters.

Sometimes that happens. When I'm tired and sad and hurt, my shadow travel is a little off, and I end up in the middle of nowhere.

I guess that happens a lot.

At least I'm by myself. No one can see me cry or throw rocks at trees or scream at air. No one's here to stop my sword from pressing against my skin. Or to stop me from pushing it all the way through someday, and ending everything. That would make things easier.

Hazel has reached out for me. I hate seeing her so concerned. I've turned into a problem, a burden, for her and now she stays awake at night hoping I'm okay.

I'm not really okay.

I tell her I am, though.

So here I am. In the middle of nowhere, in the nothingness I've become, drowning in my own pain. Weighed down by death, love, family, friends. Always feeling alone.

Sitting on the dead grass, I lose myself in thought and emotion. I reminisce about my time with Bianca, only to be rewarded with needles in my heart.

Bianca died. Percy didn't keep his promise.

Percy. Percy has caused me so much pain, and he's oblivious. Years of never seeing past my broken stares and shattered words. To think he actually believed I loved Annabeth.

I wish I never met Percy. Things would have been better if I never left the Lotus casino.

Things would have been better if I never was send there. Maybe Bianca would be alive. Along with my mother. I wouldn't have had to meet Percy, or his friends. Or go through Tartarus. Alone.

Things would have been better.

I'm at the point right now where I give up on trying to make myself better, and just cry.

So that's what I do. I cry.

And I'm crying
and crying
and drowning
and dying.

And no one is there for me.