Everyone always said it would be me to go first. I remember laying in bed trying to think of how to say goodbye. You wouldn't let me go. Always joked about how the nurses would miss me to much. They could hardly stand me. Those overworked young ladies from a different time. I was scared. You held my hand when the doctor gave us that wonderful news. My heart would be okay if I quit smoking. I quit for you. In the back of my head I still always thought I'd go first, but here you are. They have you hooked up to a machine to keep you breathing. You're sleeping sound right now. I think the fights out of you. No more struggling for those deep breaths. The nurses really love you. They've put up with me pestering so much and hanging around at all times. Maybe they can tell you were a nurse or you remind them of their Ma's. It's been so long since I showered I know I must smell horrific. What does it matter anyways? The only person I've ever cared to impress is broken. They made you into a machine. There's tubes in your lung and you beep nonstop. I guess the beeping a good thing. This little plastic chair is killing my back. You'd tell me to sit up straight if you saw how I'm slouched. I stand up. You're stirring in the bed. The sun blasting through the blind must have woken you. I step to close them.
"No, leave them. I like the sunshine"
I leave that task and bound over to you. Well what passes for a bound. Damn old age. You're putting out your hand towards me so I take it. I can feel your pulse misstepping as it tries to keep time. You're trying to say something. So I lean in closer. Bring my head right to your ear.
"Do you remember the day we met?"
Of course I do. How could I forget meeting an angel. You were the most beautiful soul I'd ever seen. You'd been all business when I was in the hospital. Had to try so many times for a date.
"Do you remember what you said to me when they brought me in and you were strapped to the bed?" I think on this. I'm not sure. The night had been a drunken blur.
"I'm not sure" I say.
"You said, I'm done fighting now. Do you remember that?"
"What are you saying?"
"I'm done fighting now. Just hold my hand"
"I love you"
The words are automatic
"I love you too"
You grip my hand hard. There's so much in my head. Our first date and you laughing at the beach. Splitting a strawberry milkshake. Id wanted chocolate but you said strawberry was much better. It was. The first time we kissed as the sun set over White Lake. I'd never felt so heavenly before. I was a dumb boy in love. I remember you in your wedding dress. A snapshot burned into my head. A radiant, capable, strong, women and you chose me. Your father and I broke into tears. We spent so many years together. After every fight you'd bring me a stick of gum. You'd say my breath probably stank from all those shitty things Id said. I'd Laugh I couldn't be mad at you. . You'd play loud music your grandnieces had sent you and dance around. Or tell stories. I'd complain you were to loud.
The room is so silent.
There's no more beeping.
