moonlight || gurenshin

1

It's Guren's fault, really.

The way Guren leans into his touches just the slightest bit, his violet eyes, so sad but so full of life and wonder and hope, the way he looks on a motorcycle, hair pushed back by the wind, the moonlight illuminating his face, the happiest smile Shinya has ever seen directed at him and only him.

It was easy to fall, Shinya thinks. Who wouldn't fall in love with Ichinose Guren?

He thinks back, way way back to a childhood he only vaguely remembers, time and repression making the memories blurry, like an old tape wearing down after being played too many times. He remembers vaguely the faces of his parents, a deteriorating mother and alcoholic father. He remembers the many, many nights he went to bed without any food at all, remembers how even though his body shook with hunger and his insides ached fiercely he still pasted on a bright smile, told his parents that he loved them everyday, hoping that would make them love him just a little more.

He remembers the arena, the slightest image of boys with faces and names he doesn't remember, forces himself not to remember, because he had killed them. He remembers how his tiny, frail hands look covered in blood, remembers how he shook with silent sobs at night but put on a bright, cheery smile for the Hiiragi faculty.

He remembers Mahiru, her words, her blank eyes, the way she had looked at him in almost disgust as she said the words that sealed his fate forever — "I will never love you," — and he had responded — "I will make you love me!" — and she had smiled the same smile he did, the same blank, empty grin that held no meaning, and turned away from him, always so far ahead, always with her back to him.

He remembers Guren. Guren, with his eyes that glowed like the sun, how he was Icarus, trying to get as close as possible, trying to hold the sun in his hands, but having to watch it slip through his fingers and into the arms of a wolf, of Mahiru. He remembers how Guren is always there, a lighthouse for when he is lost at sea, always there to bring him back to Earth with a dry remark or witty joke. He remembers how Guren looked bathed in moonlight — ethereal, magical, celestial, beautiful, — and how his head fit so perfectly in the curve of his shoulder as they rode down desolate roads.

Shinya watches Guren from the corner of his eye. He's sat in front of the fire they had built, Sayuri and Shigure on either side of him as he goes over maps and lists. It's Mito who pulls him to the present, knocking him upside the head gently with her gauntlets, even though it still hurts. "Ah! So rude, Mito-san! What'd you do that for?" Shinya rubs the back of his head where Mito had hit him, pouting and glaring at the girl who only shrugs and turns away from him.

"You were staring into space again. We're supposed to be collecting firewood, Shinya-sama." Shinya waved her off with a laugh, looking down at the stack held in his arms.

"I think we have enough, ne? I say it's time for dinner- ow!" Shinya winced, looking down at the logs now scattered at his feet, hands still together from where he had clapped just seconds before. "Whoops." He grinned sheepishly at Mito and Goshi who rolled their eyes before Goshi smiled and nodded at Shinya.

"I could go for some dinner, what about you, Guren?" Goshi called, and Shinya smiled as Guren lifted his head up with a fond expression and nodded.

Yeah, definitely Guren's fault.

-

Guren isn't sure when it started, these feelings, the weird warmth he feels when Shinya smiles at him. The warmth is comparable to the feeling he used to get whenever Mahiru smiled at him, but where Mahiru's warmth burned bright and drew him in like a moth to a flame, her brown eyes always so sad but filled with love and passion and determination, her touch leaving a scorched trail in its wake, her kisses sweet and yet marred by darkness, Shinya's warmth was calm, like a warm blanket after being stuck in the cold. Shinya shone like the moon, all silver-white and brilliant blue, and Guren bathed in his light, couldn't get enough of the warmth and comfort and safety Shinya provided.