Freya

4_Change & Late Night Talks

I had sealed my fate....I had sealed my fate. It's all I can think about as I lie in my bed, staring at the ceiling. It has been a week now, two weeks since I've been shot, a week since I've agreed to my parents idea of me changing my identity and moving away to another country even though I know how insane it is. It has been a week of crazy planning, the choosing of my name, my looks and of course I said no to dying my hair. Anything else but colour in my hair. My hair has always been a big part of who I am...it's a part of my identity and adding colour to it....it just makes everything feel so wrong. I have always had my hair wavy with fringes so I suggested that I have it straight and no fringes this time. Seeing all the hair dye that Emily my personal stylist was going to put in my hair was just a deal-breaker.

I don't know what Gracie and my parents have been discussing over the past week, all I know it's about my grand makeover...I hope you note the sarcasm. They have been dealing with making my identity known, that I'm registered as an American citizen and even if you go online and you look for Freya Villegas you'll find me there. A girl with straight hair and spectacles...yes they added that to my 'good looks '. So my name is Freya Villegas,an American citizen born to an American father and a Spanish mother who had the misfortune of dying in a car accident leaving me as an orphan being raised by her aunt. So yes, that is the ' great ' story of my life and I'm to repeat it to myself before I go to sleep every night as per my parents request. 'Nothing should go wrong' they keep saying, so I'm not even allowed to think of slipping up or it will be all over and I'll die.

I know there's a lot that they're not telling me. I'm not even allowed to be present when they are discussing "sensitive information" or so they call it. I don't know if Di'Angelo even has any idea that his beloved sister is about to become a total stranger. With my brother, you can never be sure. I just hope he's not freezing himself to death in some icy mountain or climbing himself to an early grave. I just want him home for a the two days I have left here before everything changes. But I know better than anyone else that with  him, it's just wishful thinking on my part. In two days, I won't be the Prime Minister's daughter anymore, Quilandra Altramirano won't exist beyond the gates of Moncloa Palace....it will be as if I never existed and if you ask me.... that's the saddest thing to happen to someone. To exist and then to pretend as if the person you are no longer exists....it's a hard reality to accept, despite the reasons why. " Can't sleep?" Gracie says, interrupting my thoughts, light instantly flooding my room. " No...and I really want to. All these endless thoughts are killing me. It's just a lot to take in you know....normal teenagers are worried about what they're wearing to school tomorrow and I'm thinking about who is trying to kill me...is that fair? " Gracie grabs my laptop before coming to sit next to me. " This life is not fair for anyone Quilandra....worse for some if I can tell you that....but what is happening to you...that's not fair....not to you, not your parents, not even to me or anyone else who has the responsibility of looking after you. You're just a child and no child deserves to go through what you're going through right now.

But I know you're going to get overcome this because you're not normal....not that you're crazy or you have some insane superpowers it's because you're strong, you're a survivor and always remember that. Most teenagers would have gone crazy with all the nightmares you've been having even I would have and that's the difference between you and those drunk ,horny teenagers" she says smiling at me. " Did I do something wrong? Am I a bad person?" This has to be karma dealing with me. " What?no.. you're not a bad person...far from it.... you're good, you're too good that it might even get you into trouble one day. Don't ever think that and you don't deserve to be tormented like this. If you think I'm angry or mad at you because of what you said the other day or if you think that's what makes you a bad person then you're wrong. Your feelings are justified Quil and no one is angry at you because of how you feel ...if it makes you feel any better we were kind of expecting a mental breakdown instead. And if you weren't lashing out like that, we would have been worried because then that would've meant something was wrong with you.

You keep fighting with your internal battles and always know that I'm here for you, your parents are here .... everyone is behind you.... you're not alone. We'll deal with finding whoever it is that dared target you and they'll regret ever sending you to a hospital first of all" she says so strongly that even I feel the impact of her words. " It will be alright" she softly says and I move closer to her, wrapping my arms around her waist for comfort. " I want it to be, more than anything Gracie...more than anything" I silently whisper. " What's the laptop for?" I ask , seeking some sort of distraction from the tears stinging my eyes. " Don't you want to see where you're going to live? It's a really beautiful place" she says, grabbing the laptop, excitement clearly evident on her face. " I don't care Gracie...I can as well end up living in Africa. It's not like I haven't seen the United States before....and let me tell you it was not exactly the vacation of a lifetime"," It wasn't so bad...poor boy just wanted to spend time with you...even though he went about it the wrong way" she says bursting into laughter. So my parents decided that United States of America would be the perfect place for my April vacation and I couldn't agree more, only to regret it when some boy named Eric thought I was up for some holiday fling. I turned him down as kindly as I could, only for him to start stalking me until I had no choice but to cut my vacation short and since dad wouldn't let me go to another place and  his reasons that  I'll turn into a spoiled brat had dear me spending the rest of my vacation in the comfort of my beautiful home. " He took it too far and I just didn't like him as soon as I set my eyes on him. Boys that think they are hot and irresistible are a complete no.  He was too full of himself and the stalking was just a deal-breaker". " He was cute though. But you're so sure that you're not going to like it there...why?"

" Gracie... would you be excited to go to a country where you don't know anyone and the only reason you're going there is because someone out there is trying to kill you? Do you understand what it feels like to be dying and not have died....I felt it Gracie and it's the scariest thing in the world and I don't want to ever go through that again. Do you know how it feels like knowing that someone out there wants you dead for reasons unknown to you? That you have to leave behind everything you've ever known, your life, your family... imagine having a brother like mine ...not knowing when you will get to see him again?" " I know that this is a very difficult time for you and everything is going so fast but you need to know that this is not a  permanent and things won't always be this complicated. Things will get better and as much as this is the biggest change of your life, you never know if it's exactly what you needed all along. You're getting to experience the world in a way you haven't...in a way you wouldn't be able to as Quilandra. This your chance to live a life you have always wanted. You get to have a second chance at life again not everyone gets a chance like that so please  don't just throw it away and maybe it's not in the way you wanted but maybe it's the only one you'll ever have. I don't want you wallowing in misery , fear and guilt honey, I want you to live in smiles, in laughter, in happiness...even if it's just for a little while. Home is not always where the foundation of your home has been built, home can be anywhere...and family is not always by blood...it can be with anyone. Just think about it and know that this is not your fault. Go to sleep, you have a big day tomorrow and stop worrying so much" and just like that, darkness fills the room and with Gracie next to me, I surrender myself to sleep with her last words ringing in my head.
________________________________________

Sorry for the delay....I'll try updating more often.... whenever I can.

Apologies for any grammatical errors