So we're living through a pandemic now. I remember when there was only two cases of the coronvirus in the U.S. Now there are 549 cases in Michigan. I've desensitized myself to the numbers. I used to be overridden by fear of the unknown. Now, it only affects me in certain, vulnerable moments.
Regardless, I'm here to talk about suffering.
So I'm a Christian. I used to be so in love with God. I used to read many chapters of the Bible a day. I was in love with his heart. The way he loved people. His people and 'strangers' alike. At least that's what I gathered from reading his word.
Now I've been burdened by modern ministry. I have no more zeal. I've gone through the Christian motions. Through the trends. And of course as they shouldn't have; they didn't suffice.
My heart has hardened against God and it's taken me two years to realize it. It's because of sin. unrepentant sin, as John Piper says. I believe him. I strongly agree.
Now I'm 24. And I think I'm ready.
I'm ready to be acknowledge the current state of my heart. I'm ready to stop blaming my spiritually underdeveloped parents (I love them both dearly). I'm ready to stop telling white lies. I'm ready to stop bleeding happiness born of desired ignorance. I'm ready.
Sometime before I would've upchucked at my tone-deaf writing.
But this is my public diary, so it's okay.
I don't have to be 'happy' here. For clarification, I'm the only one who pressures me to be happy. Oh and Chrsitian pop culture. Gasp.
Anyway. Here's to the spirit of lamentation.
cheers,
elizabeth
p.s. oops. Suffering ties in, I promise. It'll come through later.
