Kisah Aku dan Lelaki-lelaki-ku.

Ammar.

Manusia ini, gue ketemu pas desember 2017.

Masa terberat gue, karena keluarga lg anjlok bgt, mental gue jg di stab over and over, tiap sore nangis di balkon kontrakan, tempat gue dan keluarga tinggal sehabis rumah dijual, gue cuma beli rokok ketengan karna gasanggup beli sebungkus. Gue mandangin langit, masang lagu--with handsfree, ngeroko nangis sambil mandangin langit, cheesy ya?

Tp real, itu yg gue alamin, gue nangis sesenggukan pernah sampe gelap, nanya gitu dalem hati sambil staring at the clouds,

"Tuhan liat ga sih? Gue disini butuh bantuan, gue bingung harus gimana, cara biar keluarga gue bisa makan besok, gue takut malu sedih marah, tapi gabisa apa-apa, belom ada panggilan kerja, Tuhan denger ga sih?"

//sori jd melenceng jauh, harusnya cerita soal para lelaki bangsat aja di chapter ini.//

Yes. Ammar. Anak trisakti grogol jurusan teknik perminyakan 2014. We met on tinder. Dat badass online app.

Tenang,
I udh alumnus app itu, main dari SMA sampe lastest, August 2019. Sebelum akhirnya di banned HAHA. Idk salah gue apa.

•1•

Waktu itu ketemu ammar lgsg to the point, he want a cuddle, we made it at maxone rawamangun. No sex.
Everythings goin well.
Ga lost contact cause he keeps conv goin. Maybe cause he havent taste me yet. Oops. Aku jagonya bikin kentang. Bukan jagonya ayam. Hehehe.

•2•

Second met, he was asking for blow-job. I did it, omg he's just soooo hard to handle.
Trust me, indo-arabian dick izza medium, but his pubic hair was t0Oo much. It slips to my mouth HAHA.
The moment yg paling ngeselin, di third time we met, oiya in case u didn't kno, gue dan ammar more like fuck buddy sih, karna kita gapernah ketemu except wanna do sex things.

•3•
Last time we met, april 2018.

Gue request dibawain bunga mawar putih. Eh tapi dia lupa, tau dia malah bawa apa? Facial wash dia, beli dulu di indomaret, ofc kondom jg. Kesel ga? Banget. Hahaha.
Yes we did sex, i've told ya, he's very active, and pulling his dick into mine hardly, i asked him to stop but he won't. Dia baru berhenti when peju nya udah keluar. Yg gue rasain sakit, nyeri, capek. I am not happy.

=========================
Trauma gue bertambah terus di setiap cerita yg gue tulis ini. ((I hope you guys don't take it too seriously ya, jgn kebawa sama my story, if ur life Ok, pls stay like dat. I'll be Okay too, my mental will be heal someday.))
=========================

I am bleeding again, after notra tragedy. Ammar the second man whose made my V screamed.
Three days bleedingnya, gue anggap enteng aja karna emang udah lama ga sex. Nyerinya sama kayak pas notra.

I feel nothing after our sex.

••••••••••

Kita gapernah ketemu lagi, sering dia asking minta ketemu, tapi gue bilang, gue mau ketemu tp coba kita ngopi aja atau apa selain sex. Dia gamau.
Pelan-pelan semua nya ilang sih, manusia toxic  yang jadi tolak ukur kepuasan gue sama badan gue, dengan sendirinya gue jauhin, they're took step back too.

I'll never forget them, karna mereka yang bikin gue kuat sampe sekarang, mereka yg bikin satu hari terlewati dg cepet, bikin gue lupa nangis, bahagia sebentar knowing that somebody needed me even just my body. Gue tau ini pemikiran yg salah, tapi kenyataannya gt.
If they didn't exist, mungkin gue udah suicide dari dua tahun yg lalu.

Biar itu nanti jadi endingnya.

**********

Ammar, it was good to met you!
We should hang out sometimes, bring your gf, dude! Kenalin ke aku ya!
-Jakarta,
21 Maret 2020.