Why am I afraid to say? (Snufkin x Moomintroll) (Discontinued for now)

Picnic

I finish setting up my tent, hanging my lantern above my sleeping bag as I usually do. I sit down, happy I've gotten that over with. Now I can go spend time with...Moomintroll.
Moomintroll. Right. How did I forget? I'm going to have a picnic with him. That's nice. That's...

No, I need to stop avoiding this. I can't pretend like there's nothing wrong. I like Moomintroll, I like him a lot, I can't deny that. Even if I want to deny it, even if I don't want to feel like this, it's just the way I do. I feel comfortable around him, I feel happy. I care so much about him, I care too much. And I always felt so annoyed when him and Snorkmaiden were so...close. I was angry, I was hurt. Every time they were like that it felt like hell. I never knew why, but...now I know, I suppose.
I love him. I love him more than anything.

I bring my knees to my face, wrapping my arms around them and resting my chin on them.
Why am I like this? Why can't I just be his friend? I'm just making everything terrible, I'll only hurt him...
I feel tears running down my cheeks, and before I know it I'm sobbing.
I wish things were simple again, but I had to get attached. This is why I'm better off alone.

"Snufkin!"

I hear Moomintroll shouting, to which I raise my head, looking over at where his voice came from, even though I'm still inside the tent. I hear him walking closer.

"Snufkin! We're still going on our picnic, right?"

I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and attempt to answer with a normal tone.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute!"
I can tell my voice is still a bit raspy, but it'll be fine.

"...are you alright, Snufkin?"
I was wrong, it's not fine.

"Yeah, just a bit tired is all. I'll be out in a minute, just wait by the bridge for me, okay?"

Even though I can't see him, I can feel that Moomin's disappointed. It hurts. Why do I care this much?

"Oh, uh...alright then."
He seems concerned, but I hear him walking off. Sure, he's still close enough to hear me, but it's better.

I try to pull myself together, making sure my face is dry. I place my hat atop my head, grab my bag, and slowly crawl out my tent, standing up and seeing Moomintroll standing near the bridge, waiting with a basket in his hand that has a blanket neatly folded placed atop it. I walk up to him, and he smiles when he sees me. I've always loved his smile, the way it lights up his face, how genuine it is; it's perfect.

"Hey Snufkin! You're ready to go, right? I've got the picnic ready!" He holds the basket up so I can see it, even though I could already see it. He's so enthusiastic about everything.

I chuckle. "Yes, yes, I'm ready-"

"Great! There's no time to waste!" Moomintroll turns and begins walking into the forest. I stand still for a few seconds, just staring at him with my mind lost in thought. He turns to look at me. "Come on! What are you waiting for?"

I snap back into reality, looking at Moomintroll waiting for me. I smile. "Nothing." 

I walk along with him along different pathways, him rambling on about how much he missed me and everything that I've missed. It's always nice to see him as excited and as happy as he is. After a while he's finished everything he had to say, and I've replied to everything.
A silence falls between us. It's on a thin line between comfortable and awkward, but I'm not sure how to change it. I find myself looking over at him as we walk. His delicate ears, his glistening sea blue eyes, his soft fur...everything about him is perfect. Even if he's not to anyone else, to me he's perfect. I find myself smiling as I look at him.
But then I realise what I'm doing as Moomintroll turns to look at me.

"Snufkin? Are you alright?"
I look away in embarrassment, tilting my hat down slightly. 
"Yeah, I'm fine. Was just daydreaming is all."

"...okay then."
Moomintroll seems suspicious for a moment, but he shrugs it off, looking back at where we're walking to. I look back at the pathway again, glad he didn't pay too much attention to what just happened. 

Before long we're at a peaceful green meadow, accompanied by mountains, flowers covering most of the ground. Even though I have been here before, I still can't help but be mesmerised by the beauty of this place.

"What do you think?" Moomintroll asks, and I turn to him to see him looking at me, eagerly awaiting a reply, seemingly hoping I'll be impressed. It's pretty cute.

"It's wonderful, Moomintroll. You definitely know some great locations." I smile, and I see his face light up, his eyes almost glistening as if there were a galaxy hidden inside them. Though, now that I thought about it, even when he wasn't this excited his eyes were still some of the most beautiful things I've ever seen

"W-wow, thanks Snufkin! I'm glad you like it." He says, before tilting his head to signal for us to continue walking.
He takes us to a spot just by a hill, where he places the blanket down and sits on a corner, patting a place next to him to signal that he wants me to sit there. 
I sit down next to him, and he passes me a sandwich out his basket. 

"Thanks." I smile, biting into the sandwich and looking around. Birds flew above our heads, singing as they flew into some trees close to us. I chuckle lightly. Nature is a beautiful thing.
I look at Moomintroll, seeing him gaze up at the clouds, lost in thought. I could watch him all day, I swear. He's so innocent, so perfect. I love him. I rest my face in my hands, staring at him dreamily.
Then he looks at me, seeming startled when he does. I quickly sit up, looking away.

"Snufkin? Are you alright?"

"Yes, yes, just daydreaming again. It's lovely here." I nervously chuckle, hoping he'll buy it.

"No, I mean, your face is red."

"Wha?" I put a hand to my cheek, realising how warm I was. I gasped and tilted my hat down. "Oh! I'm probably just, um...tired!" I realise how stupid of an explanation that was, but there wasn't really anything I could do now.

"Tired?" Moomintroll giggles. "I doubt you being tired would make your face go red, Snufkin." His expression suddenly changes to rather serious. "You know you can tell me if something's wrong, right?"

I stay with my face hidden behind my hat, but look up at him. "Yes, I know, I know. But there's nothing wrong, really."

Moomintroll doesn't seem convinced. "I don't believe it. You know, you've been acting pretty differently today, and you didn't really seem alright when you were in your tent. Something's up, I know something is. You don't have to hide it from me, Snufkin."

I gulp, feeling my stomach turn. Should I be honest with him? It's only my first day back...but how long could I keep it a secret for? How long could I last?

"Well, I...I don't want you to hate me, Moomintroll..." Wait, no, I wasn't supposed to say that!

"What? Why would I hate you?"

"Well, I..." I'm digging my own grave here, I need to shut up. But, yet again, it would be nice to tell him. To be honest with him. Maybe...I will. Even if it's difficult. I sigh. "Well, I suppose I should be honest with you?"

"...be honest? What do you mean?"

"Well, there's something I've been keeping to myself for a long time, Moomintroll..."