Blue

9

I lean on my mother as she leads me into the house again. She lays me on my side of the bed. Jisung comes out of the bathroom shyly.

"Hyunjin?" He whispers, barely audible.

I look over at him. He wore one of my shirts and some boxers. He looked thinner than normal.

"Honey, are you okay?" I ask.

He shrugs. He comes and lays with me, resting his head on my chest. My mom left already and put groceries on the counter.

"Are you okay?" He asks quietly.

"I guess." I shrug. "Why are you so quiet?"

"Umm, I've just... I haven't been able to eat well. I'm tired." He mumbles.

I nod. "Well, sleep." I kiss his forehead.

"I can't sleep." He presses his face into my chest.

"Try to sleep. I'm here now."

•••

I sit in my seat, Jisung holding my hand and making sure I'm comfortable. We look around the room, which was dark with pale blue balloons and a blue cloth over the coffin.

Daehwi, a friend of Jisung's, comes over and bows at us. We give him a pained smile.

"I'm sorry..." He mumbles.

"Thank you." I nod.

Jisung stays silent. He simply holds my hand and stares at the small coffin. I squeeze his hand gently, kissing his knuckles.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "You think I'm okay? You think - You think I can be okay right now?" He answers.

"No, do you need a tissue?" I clarify.

He sighs. "No, thank you." He rests his head on my shoulder.
-
After the funeral and cremation, his makeup was a mess and my eyeliner was running, despite it being waterproof. I cling to him, trying not to fall over from my ankle brace.

"What now?" I ask.

He shrugs. "I don't know." He mumbles.

I nod, deciding to stay quiet. He leads me to the bathroom, helping me undress and take of my back brace, ankle brace, and wrist brace. He eases me into the bathtub, gently washing me. I stay careful not to bend or twist my back, relying on his strength to move me if need be.

After the bath, he drains the tub and dries me off, being careful of the bruises and almost healed stitches on my body. He helps me put my braces back on, making sure I'm alright. I wear a gray hoodie and no pants and watch as he gets in the shower quickly, washing, then getting out. He dresses in a black sweatshirt and thigh highs, then helps me do my night routine, and takes me to bed.

"Honey, aren't you hungry?" I ask.

"No." He mumbles.

"Well, I'm hungry." I get up and limp to the door, holding onto anything sturdy.

"Babe, get back in bed. Sit down. You shouldn't be walking on your own." He says.

"No, I'm hungry." I look back at him.

He quickly comes to me and grabs my arm. "Stop."

"I'm hungry!" I pull away from him, making him flinch.

"Then tell me that and I'll cook for you! God, it's like you think I don't care about you!" He takes me to the living room and sits me on the couch. "What are you hungry for?"

"Anything. I just wanna eat." I answer.

He rolls his eyes, then goes to the kitchen. He makes me food, not caring what happens to it when he's making it. I watch him.

"Jisung?"

"What?" He glares at me.

"I love you." I mumble.

"I fucking love you too." He grumbles.

He softens up and brings me my food carefully.

I smile. "Thank you."

He nods. "You're welcome." He runs his hand through my hair.

He lets out a deep sigh, looking down. I eat silently, humming a song for him after I finished.

I lay back on the couch, pulling him close and sing him a soft song to soothe his thoughts. He joins in towards the end, smiling contently, then breaking into a soft cry.