No One Knows

No sleep

He made her day with a simple "hi" or a small smile just to be nice. She wouldn't sleep. She couldn't sleep. Her mind won't let her drift off into slumber, there's too much to think about...about him.

She lies awake wondering, hoping that maybe one day he'll notice her. Maybe one day that simple "hi" will be a "how are you?" And then maybe a "what are you doing this weekend?". Which could lead to hugs, kisses, memories.

Does he even know her name? Is she merely just a girl among the hundreds he knows?

Then she gets the thoughts of "why even bother?" Or "he'll never want someone like me" which always leads to "I'm so ugly" and "I'm so fat". Then she falls into those deep holes of sadness, and she's unable to climb back out. Of course she doesn't give up on him and the ever so slightly possible them.

Then her friends begin to comfort her although when they ask "what's wrong?" The answer is a simple "I'm fine". Which everyone knows she isn't. So her friends begin to cheer her up, she gains self-confidence and a feeling of worth again. Then she gets the urge to text him...the conversation is going good, right? And then she waits. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. One hour. Two hours. Nothing. So she starts to get down again. "What did I do wrong?" That becomes "he'll never talk to me again". So she gives up on texting and tries to talk to him at school. She gains confidence and starts a conversation with him. It goes well, they laugh, they smile. It's an endless cycle of her feeling confident, then worthless.

* * *

She'll never forget the first time she made him laugh. For his laugh was music to her ears. That first time that they spoke, she didn't know him the way she does now. It was an exchange of "What middle school did you go to?" And "Did you like it there?".

A week later he was suddenly enrolled in another class with her. A class where they learned a foreign language and that's when they started to compete over who's the smarter one of them two. They would compare test scores and ask everyone they knew who they thought was smarter. They would compete in video games where his name would be "shesdumb" and hers would be "imsmarter". When it came down to it, she knew he was smarter, but would never admit it so that she could see his smile when he would talk to her.

She got the courage to message him on facebook. They talked for a few days until she got more courage and gave him her number. Her phone went off with a message saying that she wasn't as smart as he was and her heart began to beat, as well as her stomach began to flutter.