Hospital For Souls

"And then I found out how hard it is to really change. Even hell can get comfy once you've settled in. I just wanted the lonely inside me to leave. No matter how fucked you get, there's always hell when you come back down. The funny thing is all I ever wanted I already had. There's glimpses of heaven in every day. In the friends I have, the music I make, the love that I feel. I just had to start again."

The intro to the song Hospital for Souls by Bring me the horizon starts. I close my eyes and just let the words sink in. It has so much more meaning when you listen to what's behind the lyrics. The meaning is deep. I had a terrible day today. I just wish I could leave and start a new life.
Let me tell you about myself. My name is Amethyst Rose Rodriguez. I'm 17 years old and holding on to the little bit of faith I have left of life getting better. See, my parents are always busy and don't care about me. Heck I could be in the hospital nearly dying and they wouldn't give a shit about me. I'm just a bother to them. I'm unwanted, useless, worthless, just a waste of space. They don't want me around.. no one does.
In school, I get treated like shit. Not one day goes by where I don't get fucked up after school, get picked on in all my classes, get pushed around, and humiliated. Fun.. nope. I hate it. I don't know what I did to get everyone to hate me, I'm innocent I've never done anything to anyone. I'm a loner. Not one person I can be with during lunch, in my classes, or one to help me when I'm getting beat on. Oh how I wish I had one friend.

" How are we on a scale of one to ten? Could you tell me what you see? Do you wanna talk about it? How does that make you feel? Have you ever took a blade to your wrists? Have you been skipping meals? We're gonna try something new today, how does that make you feel?"

At that point of the song I broke down crying. I couldn't keep the pain bottled up inside. I looked at my wrists. All of the scars were nearly fading. I feel lost without them. The razor blade seems to be my only friend. I've been clean for nearly 2 months, but I'm tempted to cut. All these cunts in school caused my scars. My parents never listen to me or even take time to appreciate their only daughter. I took the blade one night after I had gotten badly beaten up and made a cut along my wrist. I just watched as the blood came flowing out. It's easy to start but hard to quit. Ever since then, my scars started increasing andthe cuts getting bigger and deeper, but it feels so good. I just wish I had a normal life.

so first chapter is done.. i hope you guys like it and thanks for reading it. it means alot xo ✌❤ should I continue?