Isolation is a word that is thrown around quite a bit, a lot of people use it for themselves when they have no true what true isolation is like. True isolation is something you could never imagine as you sit there living on earth surrounded by billions of people, even if they are not immediately around. True isolation is something that takes over you, it's something that becomes the driving force in your life. It is not something to be desired but is instead something to be used to push you forward so that you can escape it and come back into contact with people again, it is something to be feared and hated cause of the pain and desire it creates inside of you that gives you a constant reminder that you are alone, there is no one else around to hear your cries or to hear your pains, there is no one else around to aid you through your hardships and give you even just a gentle touch for some type of human contact that you crave so deeply.
It has been three months since I have been stranded on this space ship with no one but Nebula. We got along in some manner but it was only because of the connection we had of being alone together. I miss those days, even having her as company was something even though it was small. It has been one month since she shut down and hasn't woken back up. I'm not sure what I think about it since it is not like she ever started to decompose so I have left her be in hopes that she wakes up at some point. One month where I have been completely alone drifting through space with no other life in sight. Now this is true isolation.
Every day is a cycle, one that consist of trying to fix the ship, scavenge around for whatever scraps of food might be left, writing to you, and sleeping. This past month has been the worst month of my life. See I use to like isolating myself to get work done, I thought what I was doing was isolation but I was wrong, oh I was so wrong. See when I locked myself in my lab to get work done, I still had the ability to walk out and see you, to kiss you and hold you close as I let my grievances go. I wouldn't do any of that because I was trying to finish up my work but see it was always available. It's not anymore. I can't take anything back right now, I can't open up that door so I can see and hold you, I can't do anything other than try to survive a few days longer to hope that someone or something will see me and come to my rescue. There is nothing left for me up here Pepper but there is a lot left for me there. I still have no clue if you have gotten any of these messages but I'll keep sending them anyway. This is day 97 signing off.
