Psychological Vibes

Philophobia

I left the words flow down as if they were moving on their own. The ink splattered in an elegant way to form the letters, and to consecutively form a sentence. The birds started chirping, the trees ruffled, making a mixture of sounds that ended up being the beautiful ambience that engulfed my surroundings and delighted my ears.

But then I realized it wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough. I ripped the page out of the notebook, and I tossed it away. I started once again writing. Trying to make a perfect piece of writing. Only to impress her. Only to make her love me. Only to think she wasn't the same as the other girls... like if all the girls are the same. She is unique, and smart, and beautiful... she was perfect, and she deserved perfection.

"Finn?" A voice somewhat familiar asked. I was too busy writing down my thoughts I didn't pay attention to the person. "What are you doing?"

"Ugh, now what-" I said, only to be surprised by her. The wind made her hair move like petals from a fragile rose, her green eyes shined like a beautiful emerald, and her smile... I never could resist to her. "Oh, uhhhh, h-hello, uhhh, I'm writing something for Donnie!"

"Oh! Speaking of Donnie..." She replied, sitting down besides me on the grassy field. The wind stopped and the birds did so, too. I swallowed saliva and paid attention to her. "Did he explain everything to you?" I bit my tongue by hearing the question. I grabbed a bit of grass and pulled it  off in frustration. I kept as calm as I could. "Yeah..?"

"...And do you understand?" I clenched my fists and looked the other way to hide my treacherous anger. "Y-Yeah, I understand".

"Finn... sometimes, you want someone, and you want to kiss them, and be with them..." she put her hand on my leg and continued mumbling with a comforting tone. But it didn't help. It didn't help a bit. "And hold her hand... but you can't, because responsibility demands sacrifice".

I lost my mind and pushed away her hand from my leg. "What the hell are you trying to say, huh?!" I exclaimed with anger. She seemed shocked, but didn't reply aggressively. "W-what I'm trying to say is that you're a hero, Finn... you're my hero! So I'm glad you understand why you can't be with, you know..."

I stood up from the grass and replied angrily. "I can't fucking do this anymore!" I exclaimed. "What?"

"Now you mother-fucking like me?!" I screamed. "F-Finn, what are you talking about-?" "What AM I talking about?!"

"I-I was..." I said, making a brief pause, recapturing my thoughts and trying to put them all together. I took the courage to step up and say them loud. "I was in love with you!" 

She didn't reply. In fact, she seemed lost. Soulless. Like if something petrified her, or if she just realized something horrifying.

"For fuck sake, are you going to even reply?!" I exclaimed. She fell down to the grass, lifeless. I immediately kneeled down and checked her body, meanwhile I started to cry. She was insanely pale, and her breathing stopped. The wind resumed, and the birds chirped once again in joy. 

Nothing made sense. Why was this happening to me? My life was already screwed up in the first place... why is this happening now?

For my surprise, she got consciousness back once again. I smiled astonished and tried to keep my sanity back on track. "What the hell was that?! Are you ok?!"

"Finn... I'm sorry..." she said, dropping a knife from beside her. Blood started to stain the grass. But the blood wasn't from her. It was from the knife, like if the actual knife started bleeding out. I grabbed my head in confusion and backed off from her. I saw the knife spilling more and more blood, creating a long river that lead down the grassy hill, all the way down to a pond. The blood mixed with the water, turning the crystal clear water into a crimson mayhem, with fish coming up to the surface dead and other fauna.

I glanced back to her body, only to notice it was gone. I went back to where the knife was, and saw at it. Big amounts of blood kept getting produced. The leftovers from my other poems were missing. 

I then noticed something far ahead the opposite side from the hill. The urban city shined with its lights, and the sound resonated from all the grassy terrain.

The nature's ambience wasn't recognizable anymore. The wind stopped blowing as beautifully as it did. The birds didn't chirp anymore. The grass lost its alive color and turned into a depressive tone. Where once was a puddle now ended up into a mess. 

One building started collapsing and fell down to the streets. A big explosion came after the rumble. Toxic gas could be smelled, contaminating the air around me.

I fell down to the ground, trying to breath. My lungs felt like they were shrinking, and I tried my best to breath. 

Everything went back to normal, and there I was once again, sitting besides her. "F-Finn, what are you talking about?" She asked. I started to breath heavily and glanced at her. I glanced back at my previous work. "Sometimes imperfection is best..."

"What? Are you ok, Finn?" She asked me worriedly. I looked away and handed her my poem blindly. She chuckled and retrieved it from my hands carefully. 

"Finn... this is super sweet... thank you," she said, coming up close to me and gave me a kiss on my cheek.

After all, I was right. I was right from the very beginning.

All girls are the same.