Floating & Flaming - Syd Barrett

Coffee & Contemplation

"And that is why we should really vote Labour when we're eighteen. Don't you think so? Piper?"

I'd like to tell you that everything was back to how it was before the night of the UFO and the campout. I'd like to tell you that I was laughing and sharing stories with someone I wanted to be with. I'd like to tell you that I had spoken to Syd and resolved everything.

I'd like to tell you that I called Roger and politely told him that I enjoyed his company, but thought of him as a friend.

But that would make me worse than a coward. That'd make me a liar too.

I was in a catatonic state the entire week at school after the Syd disaster. I pretended to catch the flu so I wouldn't have to attend classes, but Lindsey saw right through me. She let me wallow in self-pity for the first part of the week, but dragged me out of bed on Friday.

"No friend of mine is going to let some tosser rule over her. Get up and shower, and you are going to forget about him." Lindsey ordered, fixing my hair and wiping the tears that had begun to fall.

"But he's not a tosser, Lin. It really was my fault for being so stupid. If I had half your confidence, I could've sorted the matter right then and there. And even before it reached that point, I could've confessed how I feel instead of dancing around it for months! It's easy for you to tell me to forget him, but no matter how hard I try, I know I never will. Have you ever seen anyone so pitiful in your life?" I said, collapsing back down onto my bed. I squeezed my teddy bear (that I usually kept out of sight) to try and hold back the sobs rising up in my throat. It was no use.

Lindsey switched gears into a passive comforter again. "Oh, Piper. I'm so sorry. I guess I didn't realize how serious this actually is. You didn't even go on a proper date." This last statement made me sob even more. Lindsey immediately apologized again. "I'm no good at this."

"It's alright. You're just telling the truth." I turned to face her. "That's why it's so pathetic how strongly I feel about him. How would I even know for sure? It's only been a few months, and we've talked face to face only a few times. Have I just been building him up to be this great thing, when he's not?"

"How do you feel about him, Piper?" Lindsey inquired.

"I- I-"

    "Piper, you haven't spoken in a while. Is everything alright?" Roger again. He blew on the surface of his cappuccino before sipping lightly.

We were in the shop he had told me about and it was just as great as he described it. The whole place was steeped in the rich smell of coffee beans, art lined every wall, and there was the quiet ambiance of a live acoustic musician. It was cozy and lovely and I could see myself poring over one of my favorite novels there. Everything was right, so why couldn't Roger be right too?

I wanted to give him a fighting chance. I couldn't just push him out because Syd had occupied this idealized portion of my mind. He was sweet once you broke past that hard exterior he put up. And he was actually quite handsome. Tall, dark hair and eyes, with a shy smile that only seldom appeared. He would be the perfect first boyfriend. For someone other than me.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't really follow politics too closely, so I'm afraid you lost me for a minute there." Good, that would make sense. You weren't just thinking about that figure illuminated by lightning.

"That's fine. I can lend you some of my political books if you'd like. Have you ever heard of that time when-"

    You probably weren't even talking about me. His voice wouldn't leave me.