50 Days Of Grey (#Wattys2015)

{ t w e n t y - s e v e n } : the sun and the light bulb

xxvii : petrichor
❝the smell of earth after rain❞

[Day 31.5]

"But I know you do too..."

I swallowed and looked out the window.

"Monica..."

I looked back into her eyes.

She still had that smile on her face, a smile much like her mothers... Compassionate and ever so kind.

"Don't view me as competition..." I finished.

Monica gave me a questioning look, "Juli... He's happy with you. I'm just a friend. Please don't think I'd had any intention of competing with you for his heart... When clearly.. You've already got it."

I took an intake of breath but looked away, "Monica.. You don't understand... This is why I've opened this conversation..."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm leaving him into your hands..."

"But... He loves you, Julianne-" She started again but I interrupted her.

"Monica... Do you know what happened between Greyson and I?" I asked.

She blushed and looked down, "I might've heard a thing or two in the news." she confessed.

I sighed, "Well, that isn't the real story."

"Then what did happen?" She asked... Peering at me curiously.

"Well.. I can't tell you much. There are things.. Even Greyson doesn't know about our breakup but I'll give you the main points."

She nodded encouragingly.

"Greyson and I we're close friends... Him, I and my sister. We both liked Greyson a lot... Maybe both a little bit too much. Certain things happened when Greyson and I got together and then my sister died. I was terrified after her death and even before that we had a lot of problems... Fights, lots of them.. So when she died... Well... We tore apart and I had to make certain sacrifices... I left him, Monica. It pains me to say this but... I knew I broke something inside of him and I-"

I broke into a sob, and I brought my fist to cover my mouth, to keep from releasing a sound.

Monica was looking at the table, her eye brows scrunched up, "It was Matt, wasn't it?"

My eyes widened as I stared at her... How did she?

Monica looked straight into my eyes, "You know how in the stories there's this one character who sees everything and is a witness and none of the main characters know until it nears the end?"

I nodded, "Yeah?" I asked unsurely.

"I'm that girl."

"You-You know... Everything... Don't you?" 

She nods solemnly, "I do."

"Does Matt-?" I ask.

She nods, "Yeah..."

"Aren't you scared?"

"Meeting Greyson wasn't an accident, Julianne." She whispered.

"Matt sent you?" I asked confused.

"No."

"Then why'd you?" I once again asked.

"I'm trying to help for once... Julianne. I'm tired of just watching you guys and not helping... I can't just be a witness to this craziness..." She takes my hand, "I want to see you guys end with something happy... I've been rooting for you, you know.." She says suddenly.

"But you like Greyson-"

"I didn't like him before then... But me liking him now doesn't mean I've stopped rooting for you." She says reaching out for my hand.

"Monica... You know I can't stay... Matt isn't going to stop 'till we're as far apart from each other as we we're before."

"I know... I'm thinking. Hang in there, okay? I'm thinking." She says.

I put my other hand on hers.

"Monica... You don't have to. You deserve a  happy ending as much as I do... I think you might even deserve it more that I do." I say softly.

She shakes her head, "It won't be a happy ending if Greyson weren't with you, Julianne."

I sigh, "This isn't what I thought things would wind out in the conversation."

She chuckled, shaking her head lightly, "You have no idea."

I closed my eyes and took another deep breath, "Monica. I'm not going to let you do this."

"I already said-" She started.

"This is my problem... I started it. You don't have to help... You already have.."

"But Julianne-"

"I'm finishing the conversation I started. Monica. I'm going to leave in ninteen days. I'm afraid... I'm afraid that when I do. It might break him... I don't want to have him hurt again... But it's for his own good. I'd like to think there's a way out of this. And I'd love to stay. Leaving is going to break me too... I just know it. It'll be worse than the last time... But with you here... I think he'll cope better... You have to promise me, you have to promise me you'll be there to pick up the pieces I've broken..." I said staring into her eyes.

"Julianne, I-"

"Please, Monica..."

"You know he needs you... I can try. But I'll never be you. I can only be a band aid.... I can't be the cure. You're the cure... You know that."

"We both know what will happen if I stay. The cure just might about bring him worse than a broken heart."

"Okay... I promise." She finally says.

I stand up and bend down to hug her in her chair. I place my chin over her head and hug her tight.

"Greyson already has an attachment to you," I say, "Maybe one day... You'll be the person to fill the hole I'll leave. I wouldn't want anybody else but you to do that." 

She shakes her head, "I'm only a light bulb... You're the sun, Julianne. I can only be a light bulb."

"The sun sets, Nica, the light bulb is constant... Always there." I say, a small smile on my face.

"Ahh... But the light bulb eventually burns out. The sun rises. The sun comes back, no matter how cold the night, and it comes back warmer than ever."

I sigh and leave it at that.

We'll see.