Hidden in plain sight

I was just faster than you...

You will never get to feel my wet ring of skin, and i will never get to feel your hammer.
We did it, i guess i was a bit faster... slipping that ring on my fourth finger like that and you finding out about it from gossiping friends. Did i actually owe you the truth? Was our eye link so strong? The words we uttered to each other were always after midnight. They were so rare, so priceless and so few.
If i were to give you a name, i'd  call you "Sentimental Fuckboy".
The fuckboy part is appalling to me. I've never been attracted to fuckboys... The sentimental part is the one that got me, to some extent.
There is a certain shine in your eyes, the same eyes that used to gaze at me and make me uncomfortable and wild. Leaning your back on the stairs, undressing me with those stares, looking down at your phone to break contact because the atmosphere became like plasma around us. Texting me a dot. Just a dot. Making my spine shiver.
You were pursued by many, but your eyes somehow gazed at me. You're my little hidden piece of paper that i liked to smell. It smelled like coffee when i've always preferred tea.
You were everything for me, for a couple seconds. You felt like everything my cells have ever dreamed of. Superficially charged with sexual energy and deeply conflicted on the inside by wounds and heartache. It felt like if i get you, even for a couple of seconds, i get everything. But i knew that having everything won't be fun. I knew that having everything would spell the end.
They say that Virgos and Aquariuses have hidden relationships that last decades... lifetimes.
I am your secret and you are mine. I'm good breathing you from a distance... being radiated by your cold warmth... We got away from each other due to fear, circumstances and pure selfishness... yes from my side, it was selfishness and attachement  to that little piece of paper.
I never want to rip it out or throw it away. I'm good if it's there smelling like coffee, fucking other papers. I'm good knowing i never fucked it and that, not a shred of it, got ripped, by Me.