Guilt. It was everywhere. It was about anything. Guilt about things, small and big, in or out of her controle. About something she had said, or even about how the earth was treated. She found a way to feel guilty and overthink everything. The way she said something, the way others looked at her, the way she read a text and even the way others would think of her if they knew how she felt. She didn't want people to know how she felt, partially because she herself still doesn't know how she feels.
She just knew she felt guilty.
People couldn't see it, or at least, that's what she thought. On the outside she was energetic, hyperactive even; she was always cracking jokes and trying to make people, sometimes just herself, laugh. But even in those things she could find herself feeling guilty. She didn't want people to think less of her because she wasn't serious all the time, but she also didn't want people to think she was too serious. She didn't want people to think she made jokes about everything, but she also wanted to be funny, to have a good quality. She wasn't great at seeing lines so she crossed them sometimes, and she would find out afterwards and yet again feel guilty.
But she didn't want people to worry about her. She wanted to be happy, in their eyes. Have just the good emotions, and leave the bad ones out. She couldn't talk to them about it. They wouldn't understand. She would feel guilty for taking their precious time by talking about herself. She felt guilty for being such a drama queen, but it's just how she feels.
24/03/2020, 02:15
Day 10 of quarantine
YOU ARE READING
Shiz ya might read or not
Non-FictionI don't know what to do with this, but I felt like I needed to do something with my feelings instead of keeping them to myself and think about them like I'm doing now... some might not even be how I'm feeling but I love writing, I might not be very...
