The Murder King (A First Draft)

In Which We Learn More About Our Newest Member

        We all loved Mary and welcomed her as one of our own, but GOD she took a lot to handle.  Were all teenage girls that high maintenance?!  If they are, I feel so sorry for the parents of all of them.  No offense to teenage girls, but you need to calm the fuck down. 

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October 31, 2010 

        "Does my makeup look okay?" came the customary question from the bathroom.  I was starting to think she did this on purpose.  "It looks great, just like it does everyday," I replied just like I did every morning.  I couldn't even see her makeup, seeing as we were rooms apart, but she needed someone to tell her that her clothes matched, her makeup looked great, and her hair looked nice every single morning.  When she joined us, I had to give her my bedroom, so Josh and I have been sleeping in the same room.  No problems, and no sex.  Yet.   

        She's great at killing.  We've already gone on several fun trips.  She adds a sense of joviality that we didn't have before.  She'll make jokes while I choke someone out, laugh at me when I accidentally drop a body.  She's a great friend.  She's actually been calling me her "GBF" for a while.  I guess it means "Gay Best Friend".  It doesn't bother me, but I think she might intimidate Josh. 

        So, a few days after she joined us, she asked to go to the clothing store.  I guess someone had let it slip that we were pretty wealthy, because when we got to the mall, she was not going near the discount clothing stores.  She went straight for the big, brand name stores and filled up a cart with more clothes than I'd ever seen in my life.  But at least it was clothes that I liked.  All in grays or blacks, and no short shorts.  (They may look nice, but they aren't practical.)  She checked out with a whopping grand total of $1,473, but she let me choose the radio station on the way home, and we rocked out to my favorite band on the way home. 

        There had only been one close call between Mary and Jack.  I suppose Jack wasn't use to living in a house with women.  She woke up one night and he was just standing in her doorway, breathing really heavily.  After a few minutes, I was woken up to the sound of some moaning and I saw Jack lying in the floor outside of her room with a knife stuck in the toe of his boot.  Mary's knife hadn't grazed any skin, but her punch to the gut left Jack on the floor unable to speak for several minutes. 

        When I finally got him dragged back to his room, he looked at me and said, "Little lady has got quite a punch.  Can you tell her I'm sorry and I want try anything again?"  "Sure, man," I said as I exited the room.  I walked back down the hallway and knocked on her door, three times, one long, two short.  That was our code for her to know it was me.  She opened up the door and I sat on the foot of her bed.  "He really is sorry, you know," I started to explain, but she cut me off.  "I know.  I heard.  You know, thin walls."  "Well then, I'll guess I'll see you in the morning," with that, I headed off to mine and Joshua's bedroom.  I settled in under the covers and told Josh what had happened.  He laughed his silent laugh and then we went to sleep.