And it happened. I couldn't even imagine how it would be, not even if i tried.
"we are both idiots" i said after a long 20 minutes of not talking and staring at each other.
"we are" i kept staring at him for something else. Did he just understood what i meant?. He pulled himself up on one shoulder and stare at the window "i'm sorry" he said.
"for what?" i answered, although i knew what he meant. He meant: i'm sorry for not kissing you.
"i get nervous and..." he said as his voice faded. That, i only needed that, we were on the same page, on the same wave, we meant the same.
"i am nervous too" i said. Then we became silent again, none of us talked for a couple of minutes.
"say something"
"i'm sorry"
"not that silly, i just told you that"
"i don't know what to say"
The silence came again, one, two, three minutes until he opened his mouth again.
"i just...don't want to ruin it...we have been friends for so long and i don't want to hurt you" he made a pause and looked at me "i'm inexperience on this matter, i have never experienced love, so i don't know what i feel for you" It felt as if i was just hearing myself, he was saying the same things that i had been thinking all this time.
"i am the same, i don't know if i feel something else for you or if its just tension between us"
With those words the pressure and tension that came with the first time that we cuddle vanished. For the first time in a while we were the way we used to be before all this began, it felt as if i could tell him anything, and i knew he felt the same way towards me.
"i am the same, god, we are so alike" we laughed "...what now?...we didn't want to ruin the friendship but by saying this things it changed anyways"
"well i don't know wht to do" We both knew what we wanted, we wanted to kiss to see if things worked between us, but giving that step was going to far, our friendship would change forever if we did that, and so we were hestitants on kissing, neither came foward and neither tried.
"we should do something about it before you go"
"yeah, please"
Silence. We both wanted the other one to give the first step but neither did.
"at least i don't feel like a complet fool" he said
"what do you mean?"
"well, we are the same, we felt the same way all along. I am stupid because i should be the one to kiss you but i am not a completly idiot" we laughed again.
I could feel myself tremble at how nervous i was, it was just a kiss but i was nervous anyway. If i was someone experimented on the situation then i would just kiss him myself, but i was not. On my 20 years i had only kissed two or three guys, i was not confident on my kissing skills enough to go for it. On the past i couldn't care less what the boys i kissed thinked of my techniques, but with him was different. I knew him very well, i would defenetly see him again i could not avoid him at all.
"what are we gonna do?" he asked again
"it would be easier if we were not friends, you know?"
"yeah, i know. It depends on us"
"it depends on you"
"on me?"
"yes" what i meant was, that if he ruined our friendship by giving this step i could forgive him, but if i was the one to make it, i didn't know if he would forgive me. I didn't tell him all that, he didn't need to know.
