Five Hundred Miles

0.8: Three Days.

Chapter 0.8: Three Days. [UNEDITED]

[If a picture paints a thousand words
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show, the you I've come to know
If a face could launch a thousand ships
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you, you're all that's left me too

And when my love for life is running dry
You come and pour yourself on me

If a man could be two places at one time
I'd be with you
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way
If the world should stop revolvin' spinning slowly down to die
I'd spend the end with you
And when the world was through

Then one by one the stars would all go out
Then you and I would simply fly away

-If, Bread]

Have you ever felt that you don't know where you should belong, even when you are in the most comfortable spot you can find, trying to make yourself feel better? I tried, I really did tried, but all I know is that I can't talk, I can't see, I can't breathe.

Feelings often overwhelm me, especially now when they are hitting me like Mavericks. They don't have eyes, they don't see where they're going.

Even now, when I know that he is about to leave, that I should spend my every second with him, I'm still here alone. And I know that he is at some place, spending his time alone too. We are both alone when we need each other.

This fact doesn't seem real to me. What I feel isn't real.

Or at least you think so, because this is something new. Something... you've never felt before. A voice says behind my head.

"What?" I snap.

Love.

***

I find Joshua in the back yard in the evening on the first day. His legs are bringing him into a lazy sway when he swings himself on the swing, his hands clasping onto the worn ropes beside him.

I blink away helplessly. Even now the sight of him sends ache down my spine and heart. The thought of him being away from me forever stings. It brings tears to my eyes again, but I insist to not do this now. Not when we'd already lost the entire morning grieving on our own.

I raise my eyes to meet his, finding him staring at me intently. His face is pale, as if he's ill, and his eyes are bloodshot. The usual mischievous grin on his face doesn't appear. Then, I find myself moving towards him till I'm beside him. I sit at the other swing beside him, following his pace when he moves.

We stay silent for so long. Too long that the sound of silence makes me feel the sorrow that is supposed to be hidden under my bones. It's like he isn't here already.

"I'm sorry." I say, when I finally cannot bear the silence between the two of us.

He says nothing, but averts his gaze.

"It's not what you think, Joshua." I quickly explain. "I'm not sorry for you leaving, but I'm sorry because I heard everything."

Joshua frowns deeply, turning to me. "How?"

"I sneaked. I hid behind the vase, and I heard everything." I reply softly and honestly. I don't want to lie to him now, what's the point?

Joshua tenses beside me, even if he isn't in contact with me I can still feel everything he feels.