Mental [In Editing] [No more upload]

Authors Note P.2

So what happened is probably what most of you asking.

If you've read ILY Vook, or had gotten to read Adam before it got deleted. Most of you know that...I'm pansexual and I've came out to my mom a year ago?

Wow has it already been a year?

Felt like I've been in an endless spiral.

I also have major gender dysphoria & body dysphora that is why all my novels are boyxboy. I just don't feel comfortable with the female body.

When I write I tend to write with the mind that this is me, how would I feel if this happened. That is why I'm doing so well with Adam because my mentality for Adam is this is not me. But I couldn't bring myself to write about a full female that is y Adam is a hermaphrodite.

I recently told my dad about my gender dysphoria. Thinking he would be supportive because he accepts the fact that I'm pansexual.

But it actually had the opposite affect.

Now Ik how Hoedan feels when the parent you're staying with doesn't accept your existence.

My dad has grown cold towards me.

Saying how can his bloodline have so many issues.

Given the fact that my older brother is also Gay.

That became a whole argument with him and my mom...

I just feel so alone...

Am I the only one?

I probably am since most of my readers are most likely American. America has such a good viewpoint in my eyes. Because of how much LGBT pride is shown. Even when horrible things happen everyone there seems so strong. While here... It feels like youre suffocating. There's no way out.

I've been clear for so many days, but this set me off...

Jiko came back.

Jiko is my demon.

You would've found out in later chapters because Jiko wasn't there when my depression first happened.

But all of a sudden he appeared again. Blaming me for my misfortune, telling me I'm broken when I know I am. I just want him to stop.

LEAVE ME ALONE JIKO! DIE JIKO! I'M FINE WITHOUT YOU MAKING ME OVERTHINK EVERY FUCKING THING! NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME! I'M HUMAN, I AM HUMAN.

Sorry I really want to scream that out but this is the only place I can openly express myself.

Sorry.

But anyways I've kind of snapped. So anything that remotely reminds me of Jiko makes me shut down. I've finally recovered. And thank God I did before this cornavirus happened.

But I just want you to know I'm ok. I'm not dead...yet. I'm going to finish Mental and Adam after that I'll decide if my life is worth this pain.

Love you gayzards ❤ (Gay Wizards)