My POV
I like him. I like everything about him. I'm close to falling for him. He was always there making me smile and all.
My heart keeps on skipping a beat when I'm with him. I never felt uncomfortable and anxious, until he told me who was the reason behind his smiles. Good thing, I'm good with pretending. The one whom he admire was my beloved friend. It was so heavy to accept but what can I do? I love them both.
I was like in some lovestory, but I was playing the role of antagonist. The antagonist who liked him first. The antagonist who depended on him. The antagonist he called friend. That was me, the friend.
This is how the story started...
I was a loner. I prefer isolating myself than be with my so-called friends. I never let myself attach too much to people. I was so afraid of rejection. I was living on my dark side when a light appeared.
This light was called "Ethan," this kind of light was surrounded with bright aura. Ethan made me step out of darkness and showed me the world. I met all kinds of people and things. He introduced me to these different emotions I rarely felt.
I was numb back to my dark world. I was blank and empty until he came.
He was simple and normal. He was sweet and calm. He has this face that I was looking for every single day. He has this bubbly attitude that made my day.
I felt that he was so close to my heart. He never gave in to my cold attitude. He taught me different things I didn't know, until I learned what jealousy means.
This girl that I met in wonderland with him, she was called "Cyrene." She was simply beautiful, bubbly, and weird. She taught me the word, friends. She considered herself as my friend.
I was attached to her so easily. She knows what I feel and I understand her. She said she came from darkness like me. The world of dark pasts. The past she don't want to go back. The past that keeps on haunting her.
I knew Cyrene's thoughts, past and ... secrets.
She welcomed me to her dark past and introduced me to everything. Her past was surreal and perfect like how could she say this world was dark? Until I saw this boy who passed by, Cyrene looked at him meaningfully.
Cyrene told me, it was not the world that was dark but the events that happened. She told me about her last love. How she enjoyed her fantasy. How she believed all those things. Until the prince himself turned to be the witch and destroyed her. She was tricked many times with the prince whom she loved too much. She believed to much and got drowned by her imaginations. She grew tired but keep on believing her prince. One day, the prince himself cut the spell and left her with a broken heart.
When I met Cyrene, she has this beautiful smile but behind that smile, she was already broken and falling apart. She made me stay by her side because I myself was allured with her presence.
I saw Ethan waved at us. I looked at him carefully and to his eyes which is glued to Cyrene, I didn't know what was that but I just saw it sparkled. I looked at Cyrene, she was smiling. When Ethan was gone, she continued her story.
She said that Ethan was the prince's cousin. That when the prince left her, Ethan stayed and protected her until her broken heart heal. Cyrene looked so happy upon telling every memory with Ethan. She was busy telling every detail until those words escaped from her mouth, "I think I'm falling for him." She was surprised hearing those words herself. I asked why, she just smiled bitterly and told me, "I'm scared." She told me to keep this secret and so I did.
My heart was close to bursting when I was talking with her feelings about Ethan. I don't know why but I felt something so heavy inside me. I felt so troubled and uneasy. My mind started to disfunction, I can't clearly think of anything to say.
There was something pushing me back to the cliff of darkness. But for the first time I was fighting. I don't want to go back. I don't like these insecurities that's been eating me since I met her. I am her friend.
Am I being a traitor for falling for him too?
There he stood again, making my life complicated. He was wearing his smile again that's making me fall harder. Please I beg you, don't push me to darkness.
I was there alone, then a shadow showed up in front of me. I looked up and saw his dazzling smile. He does that when he's up to something and want to talk it out and so he did.
He didn't make it straight that made me anxious. He was smiling but I know he was uneasy, I know him. I was so annoyed, I bursted out what he wanted to say, it was obvious, why hide it from me? He was startled, but he recovered fast and told me everything I didn't wanted to hear. Oh, how he started falling for Cyrene. Oh, how sudden events turning. I hate how people trust me with secrets but I promised him so I'll keep it.
There, I was back to these black empty world. I was surrounded with shadows once again. I was drowned with their whispers. When I saw and heard them, I knew I was falling apart. I knew that I was feeling hurt. I knew this world is going to crushed and I'll fall to deeper, darker world.
I've had it. I don't want to hurt Cyrene. So I'll choose the same decision back then. I'll sacrifice my feelings for him. I'll give up. I'll try to stop falling.
There was no one who knew my secret, just me. I can't tell it to Ethan or he'll change the way he treats me. I can't tell Cyrene becausr I feel like a traitor. I don't like hurting others.
Their secrets will be safe with me even it hurts so much. I'll pretend to be their friend until this feelings go away. Guess, I'm a masochist.
They trusted me so I would do anything not to break their trust. I promise.
