The Alchemist and the Lizard

Little Violet Eyed Monster

"Fullmetal." Colonel Mustang said sharply to the other alchemist in the room.

Edward spun around and threw his hands in the air in frustration. "What? What Mustang?"

"Are you going to do the mission or not?"

"Fine! I'll do the stupid mission. You know it's really dumb you're making me dress up as a girl to impress a murderer, who will kill me if he finds out who I really am. You know Mustang, you just love humiliating me, don't you?" Edward shot the colonel a dirty look.

"Be here by ten tonight."

"Whatever."

Edward walked out of Mustang's office, an angry look on his face. He walked out onto the streets of Central, dodging cars and people, hands shoved in his pockets. He went into a small alley, not wanting to talk to people. That's when he heard a tiny, squeaky voice call out.

"Help!"

Edward ignored it at first, thinking it was just his imagination. Then he heard it again.

"Help! Please!"

He searched around the alley until he found a box that was sealed tightly. Edward cut it open with his automail, and a tiny green lizard jumped out, gasping for breath. It had huge bugish eyes, a lot of arms, and a large mouth that went all the way down to his belly with a row of sharp teeth. The lizard looked up at Edward. "Pipsqueak?!" It gasped. 

"Pipsqueak?" Edward twitched. "Wait a minute..." He picked up the lizard by the tail and held it up to his face, examining it. "Envy?!"

"Yeah and put me down!" Envy flailed helplessly, and Edward put him down.

"What happened to you?"

"Father put a curse or something on me to turn me into this freakish lizard! And he told me there was only one way to lift this horrid thing and turn me back to normal, but I don't know what! You've gotta help me, pipsqueak! It's humiliating to be seen like this!!"

"Why should I help you, Envy?"

Edward paused. Perhaps Envy could help him with this new mission. "I'll help you if you help me." 

Envy narrowed his huge eyes. "What?"

Edward chuckled nervously. "Not here."

Edward took Envy (who went reluctantly) back to his hotel room. While Edward ran water over his finger (Envy nearly chewed off his finger as he did not want to go) to clean out his finger from the bleeding, he explained his situation to Envy. 

Envy was rolling around in uncontrollable laughter. "You have to dress up as a girl?! To woo a murderer?! This day just got way better!" Edward picked up Envy and dangled him upside down, swinging him.

"How about I toss you out the window?"

Envy stopped immediately. "What exactly do you want me to do, Elric?"

Edward shrugged. "You're a shape-shifter, but you still have to act like the person you transform into, don't you? How do you...how do you act like a girl?"

Envy blinked. "You want me to teach you how to act like a girl?"

Edward nodded sheepishly.

"And then you'll help me get back to normal?"

"Yes."

Envy thought for a moment. "Fine Elric. You got a deal."