"Do you remember what went through your mind the night of the accident?"
It was at that moment in the court house, while I was being questioned by the prosecutor, that I remembered everything.
It all happened a few months back. I was 17 at the time, turning 18 in a few days.
"We don't have room for you anymore, I want your stuff packed and gone the day you turn 18, and I never want to see your disgusting face around here again!" was the last thing my step-father had ever said to me. My mother did nothing! She stood idly by with tears in her eyes. I didn't even look at her as I walked by to go start packing my things. This was all her fault.
My dad died when I was only 8, almost ten years ago, he was shot while we were playing grounders at the park one night. Seeing your own dad die in front of your eyes is probably one of the hardest things to go through, but when I ran home to my mother that day, she pushed me away and locked herself in her room for days. When she did finally come out one night she didn't even give me a second look before walking out our front door! This same pattern happened for months until one Friday night, she came home with someone, a man, my step-father, Jake! So as I walked out of the house that day instead of staying the 3 days left before my 18th birthday, I wasn't sad about losing the lady that was standing in the kitchen watching me, I was sad about losing my mother.
I spent the rest of the day looking for an apartment, I had a little money saved up that would last me for the first month but I needed to find myself a job and fast.
"Hi my name is Blake, I would like to rent one of your apartments." I said to the man sitting behind a dusty old desk.
"Give me 400 for the first month's rent and you can grab the key for apartment 2B" was all the man said before going back to his football game on TV. So I put the envelope full of money on his desk, grab the key and started walking up the steps to my new apartment.
The next few weeks went by fast, I've spent days and days walking around applying for jobs anywhere I could. Not one place hired me yet. Before I knew it a month had gone by and I was meant to pay to pay rent yet again.
"Where's my money?" said the man sitting exactly where he had been the last time.
"I don't have it yet sir, I need a few more days." I replied hoping to get the extra time that I needed.
"You've got 2 days, if you don't have the money by then you better pack up and leave." was what the man said before waving his hand letting him know that it was time to leave. I walked back up to my apartment and went straight to bed hoping for a good night's sleep.
"Please don't hurt me!" I cried out, scared while running away.
"Come back here you little coward, this is your fault!" I turned my head and noticed him catching up to me. I kept running as fast as my legs could take me. It wasn't enough.
"You should of never have been born ten years ago, you should have died with your father that day, your nothing but a pain!" with that Jake, my new step-father, raised his fist up in the air and brought it back down again.
I woke up right then, startled and angry. The memories from that night made anger flow through every vein in my body. I still don't know what made me take it with me but while I was getting ready that morning, I grabbed the gun that had been in my closet and set it in my pocket.
I was walking down the streets trying to find some kind of shop in which I had not applied to yet when I found myself stopping in front of a bank, a lot of thoughts went through my mind.
"You've got 2 days."
"Little coward this is your fault!"
"I never want to see your disgusting face around here again!"
"I want your stuff packed and gone the day you turn 18."
"You shouldn't have been born 10 years ago!"
"You should have died with your father that day!"
I remember word by word everything that had ever been said to me in that very moment. The intense anger that I had found inside of me pushed me to walk right through those doors, gun in hand.
"I want everybody's hands up and anybody that gets in my way I guarantee will regret it!" I made sure to yell loud enough for everybody in the place to hear me. It didn't take long for everybody to scatter away from me, hands all up in the air, except for one.
"You won't get away with this." he said glaring at me.
I slowly lifted my gun pointing it straight at him, in that moment I saw my dad getting shot in the park that day all over again and before I knew it I had pulled the trigger. I watched the man stay motion less on the floor. I killed him!
I heard all the sirens around me but I stayed frozen in place. Shortly after I was being shoved into handcuffs and getting told my rights. Now that brings us back to where we started off.
"No I do not remember what went through my mind the night of the accident." I answered the prosecutor, although I know very well that I had just lied. I don't want the judge to use my thoughts as a way to let me off easy. No excuse could ever make my actions right. I will now always know that.
