"you look sad"
I am not sad. I am way beyond sad. I am gut wrenching, about to throw up, tears streaming down my neck & pooling at my shirt collar, digging my nails into my chubby tummy until I start to bleed, heartbroken. I am not the kind of heartbroken you get when the "love of your life" breaks you. I am the heartbroken where you've been hurt for so long, hurt from yourself, you can see the cracks in my heart in my face as I stare off into the distance. you can see the pain in my eyes & the hurt in my voice. not once in a while, but always. it's a pressing force going against my tortured soul & pulling it back from all directions.
I broke my mirror a long time ago because I thought I was ugly. I think I'm like that mirror. I've been broken out of anger & frustration so much so I'll never be fixed. the sharp ridges are the hard cracks in my personality, if you get too close you might chip away at me or cut your finger on my broken pieces. the warped screen is how I see things; distorted from anything that makes me not sense pain. I am the self hatred that was punched into me in elementary school. I the scattered pieces of broken glass throughout my room from the fatal mirror breaking.
& the saddest, most heartbreaking thing, is that I'll never get fixed. no one wants a broken mirror, just like they don't want a broken person. people will not get the glue out of their pocket & start mending my broken mirror; they're too busy fixing themselves to fix another. & I don't think I have enough glue to fix my own.
