My thoughts

#1

I'm not very good at sharing my feelings except to very few people, and I constantly get told that's it's good to talk about your feelings, and not so good to bottle them up. Well here I am opening up to people that don't even know me and that I don't know except for a few. I hate opening up cause when I do I just feel like I'm opening old wounds, wounds that I'm trust will be taken care of I'm having doubts a lot of doubts that I don't know how to control. I won't say that my life is worse than everyone's cause I know it's not a lot of people have it worse than I do but I still can't help but fall deeper into an abyss that I see no bottom to. Sometimes it's calm, but other times there is so much going on I want to just turn my thoughts off and go about my day....... I know it isn't possible. I'm a very down to earth person when I'm not angry and I'll often catch myself dropping all my problems to help my friends instead of taking care of my wounds I leave them there to only open further leaving me into deeper depression than I already was in. I've gone through a lot I'm my life and yet I put on a smile so all my friends can smile to and when they are hurting I will stop everything just to make sure whatever is bothering them stops, I know it isn't healthy to not take care of my issues trust me I'm told that everyday I don't care I put my friends first no matter what I'm going through or how I'm feeling. I use to be careless and that costed a friend I'm strong in my beliefs and my spirit is stronger I don't leave people behind that need help, I try my hardest not to hurt people, and I do what I believe is right. My mind is an often dark place to venture so I rarely open up to people that I'm not close with but it's important to get help and that's something I can't do right now even if I wanted to. Sometimes talking to a stranger (therapist/psychologist) about your issues isn't the best way they can help but with their limited knowledge they can only go so far that's why it's best to go to your friends. I'm not the popular type so I don't have many friends but the friends I do have I'm so grateful for one of them knows more about me than anyone else and we've been bestfriends for only a year I'm a very timid person so I don't talk to a lot of people outside of my friend group but honestly I don't believe I need to for my problems with my friends I don't have to worry cause I know they have my back 100% therefore I love all my friends and I couldn't have asked for any better friends than what I have.