Go to Sleep My Love

Chapter 8

Jeff's POV

"I prepared a few words." I told Nyxie. She nodded and knelt down in front of my trio of rock-graves. I stood up and pulled the slip of crumbled up notebook paper out of my pocket. My back pressed itself up against the sturdy tree behind me. The rough bark scratched against my neck, but I ignored it. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat several times before attempting to begin. "I-I didn't..." I stammered and then stopped.

"You're uh... Groping the tree." Nyxie grimaced. This was when I realized that I had been running my hands up and down the sides of the tree. I removed my hands from the tree trunk and pulled them into my view. I turned them over so that they were palm-side-up and cringed upon seeing the dirt and scratches.

"Hehe, guess I was." I chuckled nervously. Becoming this utterly flustered wasn't something I'd expected. For god's sake, the words were right in front of me on this stupid sheet of paper.

"You don't have to do this." Nyxie sighed as she began to stand up.

"No!" I ordered as I slammed her knees back into the dirt. She stared up at me with a familiar look of fear in her jade eyes. "I'm sorry, but I just really need to do this. I'm ready now." I assured her. She nodded slightly.

"I didn't know these three people for very long, nor did I like any of them very much. Hell, I murdered them." I snickered. Nyxie's shot me a peeved look. An impulsive grin spread across my cheeks. "Let me continue. As I was saying, I didn't know them for long and I didn't particularly enjoy the little time that I did spend with them, but I know that Nyxie felt differently. Your parents: in my opinion they were weak; two of the easiest kills I've ever had. All the same, they were still your parents, and I know you loved them. Those are two very crucial people in every person's life and two people that can never be replaced. Trinity: I don't know how anyone couldn't agree that this girl was a major byotch. She only cared about herself and treated you like a doormat. Still, I have no idea why, but she was your... Best friend." I gulped. Nyxie rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue. "While these people didn't mean shit to me, they meant shit to you. Anyone who is important to you is of some value to me, because I don't like seeing you grieve over them. Believe it or not, I have some feelings. I don't have many, but for you I do. Somehow you've earned a place in my heart; a place that was empty, dark, and vacant for many years. It feels like it's been a lifetime since I've done anything for anyone but myself. That is, until I met you. You've changed my perspective on life, and for that I owe you greatly. So truly I am very deeply sorry for your loss. For your losses..." I finished.

    Nyxie's eyes were filled with fat tears that were beginning to spill down her cheeks. She attempted to stand up but her knees buckled out from underneath her and she fell into the dirt again. I offered my hand, but she just shook her head. Burying her face into her knees and rocking back and forth in her tight, little ball, she assumed her crying position.

"Are you okay?" I asked her after a minuted.

"No." Was all she answered. To be honest, I was a little frusterated with her. I had expected her to love the speech and to be so deeply touched that she would swoon over the words for hours. She would hug me tightly and tell me how very wonderful and caring I was. She wasn't doing any of that.

"Aren't you gonna say something?" I asked impatiently. She remained motionless and wordless. "I worked really hard on that." I told her. Hopefully she could't detect the annoyance in my voice, because it was definitely there.

"W-why are you making this so difficult?" She choked.

"Huh?" I grunted.

"I want to hate you so bad! You waltzed into my life and wrecked everything, so you deserve my hatred!" She yelled as she uncurled her head from the ball. I growled at her unpleasantly. "You didn't let me finish. You always make it up to me in some wonderful way; in a way that's impossible not to make me want to love you. You do something really sucky, but then you always fix it in a way two times as grand as the way you broke it. Being with you is an emotional rollercoaster! I hate you, then I love you, then I despise you and everything you do, then I think you're incredible all over again and I just want to hug you. You're so volatile; one minute you're like my own personal angel and the very next you're crazy killer dude! DON'T YOU GET HOW STRESSFUL THAT IS FOR ME?!" She cried. Her appearance mirrored her words perfectly: she looked utterly torn between love and hate. Having two opposing feelings and feeling so passionately about both is obviously exhausting her.

"Then how about you just love me?" I suggested quietly.

"You know Jeff, I'd really like to, but I know you..." She sighed sadly. "YOU'LL JUST KILL MY GRANDMOTHER AND SCREW THINGS UP ALL OVER AGAIN!" She screamed as she tugged at her golden locks. 

"Alright now..." I breathed as I cautiously uncurled her short, little fingers from around her hair.

"I will NOT let you kill my grandmother! Do you hear me Jeffery?" She screeched. 

"I hear you; besides, I don't even know your grandmother." I pointed out.

"Not now you don't, but you'll find her and kill her somehow." Nyxie sniffled as she wiped her nose. I puffed out my cheeks in aggravation. Why was this happening to me? For the first time since I've become clinically insane, I'm actually attempting to be nice to someone, but everything I do fails. I thoughtfully planned this whole funeral, dressed up properly, gave a heart-warming speech in her family's honor, and have tried my best to be charming towards her. What more did she want from me?

    The sun was starting to set, and with the beginning of the fall evening came a chilly breeze. I noticed strands of thin, charcoal-colored hair whipping around in front of me. Nyxie was lying against the tree as she pulled pieces of her own golden hair away from her face. It was getting cold and the dropping temperature was causing a slight, pink blush to adorn Nyxie's usually pale cheeks. I knew that pretty soon it would be too dark to walk back home, but I didn't want to leave. It irked me that we were going to abandon this funeral when it had only done the opposite of what I was hoping for it to achieve. I wanted to make the beautiful girl happy today; I wanted her to forgive me for what I'd done. I sighed as I looked over and saw her trembling in her tiny dress. 

"We should go." I said as I pulled off my sweater and handed it to her.

"Thanks." She answered in a far-off voice. She pulled my sweater over her little, shaking body. I stifled a laugh when she stood up and I noticed that the sweater reached her knees. She threw a glance in my direction just as a huge grin crossed my face. Her pinkish cheeks turned bright red, but I caught a small smile appear on her lips.

"You're the worst." She grunted.

"Yes, but you're the best, Princess." I winked as I swept her up into my arms.

"Hey, put me down!" She demanded. I would've put her down if I believed that's what she wanted, but it was easy to see she didn't mind.

"This is way easier than it should be." I chuckled as I lifted her up and down several times. 

"Shut up!" She yelled as she flailed her arms around.

"There's no point in struggling." I hinted. She groaned and let herself collapse into my arms. I observed as she stared up at the night sky with admiration until her eyes began to shut.

"That's right, just go to sleep." I cooed. Her eyes shot right open. "Kidding." I grinned.

"Mhmm." She muttered before shutting her eyes once again. Nyxie smiled in her sleep as her body hung limply over my arms. The funeral wasn't a total bust, because now she seemed okay. As long as she wasn't hurting, I wasn't hurting. As long as that innocent smile covered her face, it would be mirrored on mine.