Dreams

"Iloveyou Zero" I confessed, again
"I'm sorry, but–" I'll be rejected, again

*gasp* "Arghh! Everytime!" I complained. Every night, same dreams. Ang weird noh? HAHA sawang sawa at sakit na sakit na nga ako. I mean, d na nga siya sakin sa realidad tapos kahit sa panaginip hindi din sya magiging akin. It's like the universe is giving me a sign that we can't be together and it hurts.

I see him everyday at school, only to be reminded that he's not mine. I see him every night in my dreams, only to experience rejection.

Zero Kraze Efer. Oh dba? haha sa pangalan palang parang zero chance na talaga ako HAHA. You may be wondering kung sino sya?
Well haha I'll tell you.

He's Zero, yung maloko at makulit ko na katropa. You read it right, katropa haha. I first met him years ago.

At first glance may crush nako agad sa kanya. Gwapo siya, tahimik, I haven't even heard his voice back then. Little did I know, my that small attraction for him will evolve into something magnificent yet painful. I couldn't get him out of my mind kahit na di lang sya yung crush ko that time. I thought that would be the last time I'll see him but I was wrong.

First day of as a high schooler, I was excited to meet my old friends again and meet new friends. Kaya lang, as always HAHA, nalate ako hahaha. And then, the moment I stepped inside our room, I immediately saw his face. I'd recognize that face anywhere. I was so happy, classmates kami ni crush myghad HAHAHA.  Not long after, we became friends. And that was the year my feelings for him faded, or so I thought.

A year passed, and I realized that I do still have feelings for him. I cried when he asked me to help him court my best friend, Vyle, when we were in 8th grade. Nung nabasted siya, I was happy and sad at the same time. Sad for him kasi nga nabasted sya, yet happy for my self kasi baka mapansin nya na ako. But of course, he will never look at me the same way he looks at the girls he like. For me, I'm just his ate, I'm just his friend.

I was hurt when he asked me for help to court my other bestfriend, Kaye, in 9th grade.
I mean, andto naman ako ah? Bakit hindi nalang ako? Ayy oo nga pala HAHA kaibigan lang ako. And I can't blame him for not seeing me. Because in our circle of friends, I'm the least attractive among the girls.

Every time I see them together I can't help but feel jealousy. I mean, dude bagay sila. You don't know how painful it is to tease them in the morning and cry in the evening. Lagi kong naiisip na, 'Sana maganda ako' 'Sana ako nalang' at maraming sana haha. But I know that it won't come true. Because the joy I see in his eyes every time he's with Kaye, it's priceless.

Pero yung hinding hindi ko makalimutan? Yung sinabi niya na si Kaye na yung nakikita nyang mapapangasawa nya in the future. I was happy for him, inasar asar ko pa nga sya eh. But deep inside, I'm hurt and in pain. If you want to know how it feels to be happy outside yet broken inside, feel free to ask me hahaha.

That day, I told myself to get over him. I want to get over him. But why is it that everytime I try to forget my feelings for him, he does something that makes me fall deeper. It's unfair really. I wanna be happy too.

That year, somewhere in October, I met a guy who I thought could help me forget about Zero. Alam ko masama na gamitin ko sya para makalimot. Pero can you blame me? I have zero idea on how to forget a certain Zero. I tried to forget Zero, I really did, but it was no use. Whatever I do, I always think of him.

When things ended between me at ung ka m.u ko, I didn't feel any pain. Mas nasaktan ako nung nalaman ko na mag m.u na pala sina Zero at Kaye. But of course hindi ko pinakita HAHA. I really am happy for them, and if sila nga magkatuluyan, I know I'll be the happiest.