This Time Last Year

It’s almost December, once again. It’s getting to that time of the year where it’s harder to tell if autumn’s still around or if winter’s already started. Because of the date, I say fall. Because of the weather, you say winter. It’s funny because that’s just so like us; always stalemate about the smallest things. I mean that was ok though. Our friendship somehow worked because we were the complete opposite of each other. In fact this time last year, at the end of fall and beginning of winter, you and I were closer than ever. Do you remember that? Because I sure as hell do. I remember the days this time last year that led up to the tightening of our bond, and I remember the day this time last year when it all began.

The sun had just set on a Tuesday, and it was a little chillier than a usual autumn night. Yes, it felt like winter; I’ll give you that. Like the sun that afternoon, my faith in the day was vanishing fast. Three hours earlier, I was ending a relationship at the time and it wasn’t easy. You knew that. Three hours later, little things kept piling on to this terrible day and I just had enough. You saw that. Hell, you were the one that stopped my tears from hugging me so tight. You walked me outside and put your arm around me as we walked. You said goodbye to me and then you kissed my head. And that kiss was probably “just for consolation” but it undeniably stirred me. It was today that happened, this time last year.

Ever since that day, you and I were just so much closer, and we truly became the best of friends. Even if my ex was the reason we began to hang out so much, it didn’t stop us from continuing. We weren’t together 24/7, but the little moments we spent almost every day added up into a great amount of time. I still appreciate the times you’d walk me to work and the times you’d stop by. Even if you’d be a pain to me about your order. I still remember the times we’d hang out at lunch, whether if it was to work on our homework or just catch up on each other’s lives; the ones we started to know like the back of our own hands. I still hold on to the times we’d stay up chatting, even if I was flirting with another person simultaneously. I’m still kicking myself for making you a second option on those nights, but I was a stupid, oblivious girl. But even if I was blind, I wouldn’t change a thing about our friendship at this time last year.

We both agreed that was the closest we’d ever been…but I fear that’s the closest we’d ever be. We fast forward to the present. It’s almost December once again, and hell if anyone knows if it’s the end of autumn or the beginning of winter. I still say autumn, and you'd still say winter. Though it was a petty, joke argument, it still says something about the way we are. Not just in our friendship, but in our lives. You see, I say autumn because it’s not yet December 21st; I base things on the facts. You say winter because it’s barely 30 degrees outside; you base things on the feelings. That’s where we went wrong. The night you kissed my head for consolation…I know something stirred but I chose to deny it. I tried to make it a fact that I had no feelings, except it was a lie. But you…you felt what you had for me, but refused to acknowledge it. This is the difference between us. I analyze without feeling, you feel without analyzing.

You know something? This time last year I said autumn. This time this year I'll say winter, because it feels 30 degrees colder without you by my side.