I Need You To Stay

"What's wrong? It sounded urgent."
I had just left my workplace when I got a call from one of my best friends, Daehyun, who begged me to come over asap. When I arrived at his apartment and stepped inside the kitchen, everyone else was there, too. Except for Yongguk.
"Dae, what happened? Why is everyone here and looking like someone died?"
"It's Yongguk. We...are worried."
For a split second my heartbeat stopped. I had a feeling it would be about him but suddenly I felt way more concerned.
"What happened to Yongguk...?"
I didn't want to ask, to be honest, but I just had to know. Nobody opened his mouth, everyone was just staring at me in silence.
"What the fuck, Daehyun. You called me to come here as soon as I can. I am here. Everyone else is here. And you tell me something happened to Yongguk. SO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HIM, TALK TO ME!"
"We hoped you'd know something", Himchan calmly added, causing a look of confusion on my face.
"Why would I? We broke up two weeks ago, you remember?"
"We indeed do remember but we were still hoping you might have been in contact with him."
I shook my head no. But still, I hadn't gotten any answer yet.
"He behaved weirdly recently." This time it was Youngjae to cut the silence.
"What do mean, 'weirdly'?"
"He missed meet-ups, arrived late or not at all. He stopped answering messages and calls from all of us. He doesn't open the door, still we think he's at home. The last time we saw him, he has been drunk. In the morning. And he looked sick. Like...slim...almost emaciated. And pale."
The more Youngjae talked, the worse of a feeling I got. I couldn't believe I even had these thoughts about my Ex but before I had a second thought on it, my mouth decided to be faster.
"Do you think he's taking drugs?"
Junhong's eyes went wide in surprise and disbelief. "He would never! It's Yongguk we're talking about."
"Himchan?" He knew him the best and longest, his perception was the one that counted for me.
"Actually...yes. I do think he has been taking drugs recently."
I nodded. "So what's the plan?"
"He is obviously not willing to talk to any of us. But maybe you can reach him."
I considered just visiting him, but lastly decided on giving him a call first. I had no idea if he would actually want to hear my voice. Maybe he blocked my number on the day we broke up. But I had to try. I searched his contact and pressed on the green phone button. It rang. 'He didn't block me!' shot through my head as he picked up.
"Uyeong...?"
His voice sounded scratchy and tired.
"Yongguk. Where are you?"
"Home. Why do you want to know?"
I didn't have any time to pre-plan this dialogue, any wrong question could cause him to hang up. 'Get your thoughts together!' I told myself again and again.
"The others are worried about you."
"What about you?"
"Me? Of course I'm worried, too!"
Silence.
"I'm glad to hear that...really. But you can tell everyone, that I'm okay."
"Do you...mind if I come over? I just...want to see you."
"I--...sure. But come alone. Please."
"Alright, promised. See you in ten."
Then he hung up. Less but at the same time more concerned I let my phone sink and looked at the others.
"I'm going to see him. Right now. I'll come back to you afterwards."
Himchan stood up and made his way towards me to gently put his hand onto my shoulder.
"Be careful. I don't know what you might have to expect."
I nodded and left for Yongguks apartment.
Ten minutes later I knocked at his door and entered after I heard a weak "Its open" from the other side.
As far as I could see, the complete apartment was a whole mess. There were dirty clothes and piles of fast food packaging and bottles of alcohol everywhere. The shades were shut, just the slightest bit of light was shining to the inside.
"Yongguk?"
"I'm here..."
Following the voice took me to the bedroom; and what I saw made me almost burst out into tears.

It was Yongguk. Sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the wall. He was wearing a dirty white shirt and dark grey sweatpants with a matching jacket. His skin...pale, dull. His eyes...small, halfway closed, tired, cold, swollen, red, empty. His hair was a mess...and next to him...several syringes and unlabeled boxes. I calmly sat down in front of him, trying not to cry. What happened that left him in this state?
"Yongguk?"
When he made eye contact, I swear I'd seen a smile on his lips, even if it only was for a  split second.
"I'm happy you're here."
"Yongguk, what happened?"
"I never wanted it to be like this. This... wasn't how I planned it..."
"Planned what? You have to tell me if you want me to help you...I beg you..."
He nodded almost unnoticable.
"This state I am in right now...it's not the first time. I did this stuff before...but I've always been able to control it. And then we met you."
"Me?  But..."
"I wasn't able to discipline myself anymore. I lost control over it and when we started dating I decided to fully cut it off and stop. And it worked. Until...about four weeks ago. I don't know what exactly happened and what led to it...but I started this stuff again. Low-dosed. But it got more and more. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to see me like this or to make you feel responsible for the mistakes I did. So I decided to go through this alone and asked you to leave. I never wanted to break up with you. But it was for the best. And ever since we haven't talked...it got worse. I lost control over everything and my will to live. Because letting you go...of all the mistakes I made...it was the worst one."
I couldn't process properly what he just told me. How haven't I been noticing anything before? How blind must I've been? I looked up and found him staring at the ground, tears running over his face, his body shaking. I crawled towards him, sat down right next to him and grabbed his ice cold hand with both of mine.
"Let me help you. Yongguk. If you want...let me stay with you, and together we figure out a way to get you out of this. I don't know if you still have feelings for me but I want you to know that my feelings for you never changed. And that I'm sorry."
He looked up and right into my eyes.
"YOU are sorry? Why!? And yes of course I still do love you. Maybe even more than before..."
"I'm sorry that I didn't notice anything. That I haven't been able to help with your struggles."
I closed my eyes, tears rolling over my cheeks. I felt his other hand catching my tears and wiping them away, so I opened my eyes again and saw a weak smile on Yongguks lips.
"You dummy. It's not your fault that I'm a failure. But I will fight to undo my mistakes. And I will stop with all this bullshit. But...I can only do it with you by my side. Can you...help me?"
I chuckled.
"Of course! You should know that I'll always be there if you need me. We'll get through this, whatever it takes. You're strong. And I believe in you."
"Thank You. For everything."
He squeezed my hand and smiled at me.
"Uyeong? Can you promise me something?"
"What is it?"
"It will take a while to fully recover. And I might be a pain in the ass throughout this time...but...whatever I do or say, it sometimes might be hurtful...I'll never mean it this way. But I can't do this alone. I need you by my side. I'm only strong with you. Please promise me not to leave. I need you to stay..."

...

"I promise."