Glass of Revenge

~22~

Aelin stared harshly at Athril as he bowed nervously. Despite the debacle with Sam she had expected Athril to be more of a man about it all. She certainly hadn't expected him to hide himself away in shame. She had tried to be patient with him, tried to give him some time to come to terms with what had happened on his own terms. But as time went on, and Athril continued to do nothing but brood, Aelin's patience continued to plummet. The only reason she waited so long before summoning him for an audience, was because Rowan requested it, out of respect for the warrior's history with Brannon. But Aelin had run out of patience with Athril so long ago it wasn't funny. Did Athril think that he was the only one who was suffering? Did Athril honestly think that he was the only one who had been sucked in by a monster? Did he think that he was the only person who wished things had been different? Was Athril really that self-absorbed, that self-obsessed, that he honestly did not think about or care about what other people were going through? That he was unable to think about the feelings and needs of other people?

"I hear you have been struggling to come to terms with what has happened these last few weeks," Aelin said coolly, politeness be damned. She had wanted to have this conversation with Athril days ago, but Rowan had wanted her to give Athril longer to recover from the shocks he had endured. But she was out of patience and needed all hands on deck to deal with the army that Lyria was raising. And right now, that included Athril.

"I'm sorry about that, Majesty, but I have had a lot to deal with lately," Athril said, grousing a bit. He was feeling a bit more humiliated now that he was face to face with Aelin, shamed of not being able to protect her after the deaths of her parents, shamed of not being able to protect her in the years afterward. Shamed that he was now only reason that Terrasen was now facing the possibility of war.

"I realise that you have had some troubles with coming to terms with Sam Cortland being a traitor," Aelin said, wincing a bit as Athril visibly flinched at the words. "But that was weeks ago now, and brooding alone for so long was not the proper way to deal with it."

Athril gulped, trying and struggling to speak. Aelin was furious with him and about to punish him for his mistakes, his failure, he knew it. He just knew it.

Aelin watched Athril carefully as he struggled with himself. Athril's inner struggle was obvious, even to her, doubly so, as she herself knew what it was like to hate oneself for one's own choices. "Do you have anything to say for yourself, Athril, or are you going to let me do all the talking?" she asked quietly, a touch more kindness in her voice.

For once, Athril was truly shocked by what his queen was saying. He had expected her to deal harshly with him for his failures, but here she was, openly giving him a chance to explain himself. He didn't understand. Where was the virulent temper, the swaggering arrogance that he had heard so much about? What had happened to the monster that he had half expected her to be?

Maybe Aelin wasn't as evil, or as cold, as all the stories portrayed her to be, Athril mused to himself. Yes, he was still slightly intimidated by her, but she had already shown him more kindness than he had ever expected from her, given her upbringing, and in that moment, Athril resolved himself to just tell her the whole damn truth.

"I kept to myself after Sam Cortland was revealed to be a traitor," Athril said quietly, finally feeling relieved to unburden himself. "Because I blamed myself for bringing him to Orynth. I blamed myself for not seeing through the charade he presented to the world and for not seeing that he was still under Lyria's thrall. And I was ashamed. Ashamed for many reasons. But I was far too ashamed of myself to be able to face you, Majesty, with my head held high. I felt that I had failed you greatly."

At that Aelin jerked back in place in shock. Of all things she had been expecting to hear from him during this audience, it had not been that. If Aelin had been thinking about it, she would have been expecting declarations of rage, of anger at what Terrasen had become. Anger at her for failing her kingdom for a decade. Not a declaration of utter shame and utter failure.