Sad Supernatural Imagines :'(

hit me. (Part 4)

My brothers sold my soul, while I was too dead to have an opinion on the matter.
Ramiel owns me now and till the moment I die.
A moment that will never come because when he brought me back, he made me immortal.
Then, he gave me power that I don't know how to control without his help.
So, I'm now his eternal puppet.
He uses me to do all sorts of horrible things.
I've killed many, many innocent people: men, women, children...the elderly.
It doesn't matter, if he told me to, I did.
I come when he calls...
All because my brothers felt guilty.
They brought me back, at the expense of my humanity.
Ramiel recently allowed me to go back to my brothers and stay with them until he needed me again.
I tried to go back to being myself, I tried being the happy-go-lucky sister I once was.
But, I couldn't, because I'm a killer.
No amount of trying to remember who I was prior to my death will change that.
-
-1 month into being back home-
I walk, silently, trying to process what I had just done and why I had done it.
My mind is forcing out the memory, hoping to block out the trauma that is slowly, and surely forming.
The blood makes my hands feel cold and stiff.
I dig them deep into my pockets, staining the inside of my father's jacket.
Every step forward is more painful than the last, I am on the edge of collapse.
'I can rest, just for a moment.'
I think to myself, the exhaustion taking over my will to keep going.
My feet start slipping, unable to handle the traction of the wet and muddy ground any longer.
I fall to my knees, gasping for air.
Reality slips through my fingers, and I weep, letting tears trace patterns down my blood spattered face.
"Yara?"
My name echoes in my ears like a drum,
I freeze.
"I...I'm so sorry, Sam."
I hear his footsteps as he makes his way to stand in front of me.
I look up at him, and directly down the barrel of a gun.
"Yeah... Me too."
He lowers the gun, realizing that the threat I posed was no longer prominent.
He kneels down in front of me, grabbing the sides of my face.
Try as I might, I could only look through him.
I'm out of his reach, and he knows it.
He can see it in my eyes, and it scares the shit out him.
"I didn't m-mean to. I just got so mad at what she said... I screamed, and she-"
"I know."
He interrupts, not wanting to picture what happened in that bar ever again.
"I thought that maybe I could be normal, keep it under wraps, but that'll never happen. I've lost all sense of control, and I'm dangerous."
He lets his hands and head drop in defeat, like he's lost me all over again.
He might as well have.
Any part of his sister that he has ever loved is long gone.
Dead.
"You gotta figure out how to put me down, Sammy."
I whisper into the darkness.
My words hold weight, the unimaginably heavy weight of truth.
There was nothing that he could say or do to make my next victim anything less than inevitable.
"You know...It's really not fair that you get to ask me to do that. It's not fucking fair."
His voice cracks, and I can feel his shattered heart crumble even further.
He's already mourning me.
"You're right, it's not fair. But, you don't get to have a fucking choice anymore, because you took that option away from me!"
I cry out, but he ignores me.
He's unable to face the gravity of the situation: he killed his sister once and he was about to have to do it again.
I force him to look at me, force him to watch me suffer with every moment I live.
"She was innocent, Sam. She was human, and young, and beautiful.... And, I just tore her apart, atom for atom, like it was nothing."
The memory comes rushing back to me.
I try my best not to make a scene in front of him, but my eyes and vocal chords betray me.
Sam pulls me into his chest, but I push him away.
"Every second that I breathe I am putting you and Dean in danger. Either you find a way to kill me, or I will find it myself, and you won't even get to say goodbye. I don't want to keep hurting people, Sammy. I need the blood to stop."
His face twists with anger and sadness, he holds back tears with every single ounce of his body.
"Please don't make me do this, Yara. I don't want to have to kill you again-"
"Oh, don't you fucking dare. That wasn't your fault, Sam. You know that."
I say, angrily, in-fucking-furiated.
My pulse quickens and my chest feels like it's going to explode.
I turn away from him, the amount of fury that rushes my senses starts to scare me.
"You were scared, and I shot first, so you shot me. You did what you've been trained to do since we were kids. I have forgiven you for that time and time again-"
Sam spins me around, wrapping his fingers tightly aground me shoulders.
My mind and body tenses, afraid of what I could do to him if I lost control.
But, the look of guilt in his eyes tells me that whatever laid upon his tongue was about to scare me way more.
"I SHOT YOU!"
He screams, tightening his grip on my shoulders.
"I aimed for your heart and I pulled the trigger. Yara, I didn't think twice. In that moment it came down to you or Dean, and I chose Dean because I could barely stand the sight of you."
He wiped his sleeve across his face, finally freeing me of his grip.
"Without hesitation, I chose Dean, and I will always choose Dean."
My heart dropped to my stomach and my eyes widened to the size of saucers.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"You should hate me for that. You shouldn't forgive me, and if you want to then I can't stop you. But, I won't ever forgive myself, okay? I can't, and you shouldn't expect me to."
He finishes with a voice barely above a whisper, tears pricking his eyes.
My chest felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, the pressure made me stumble away from him.
"I thought...I thought it was an accident..."
I whispered, clutching the front of my shirt like it would give me a sense of balance.
I had spent the majority of this afterlife thinking that my death was purely accidental.
"If you chose Dean, because you were ashamed of me...Then w-why did you have Ramiel bring me back? Why did you agree to sell my soul?"
I cry out, each word sounded like I was trying to speak with razor blades clogging my throat.
The truth finally settles in, and the fog of the love for my brothers clears.
"At first I thought it was a way to make up for hurting me, hurting my friend. Or maybe you just pitied me...but now, I get it."
My lip quivers, and a tear slides down my face and I fill with a horrible rage.
"You sentenced me to an eternal punishment."
I try to storm away, but Sam follows.
He grabs my arm, and pulls me.
"Wait, Yara. That's not what happened exactly. Look, we're your brothers-"
I yank my arm away, fury building inside, my eyes glowing a horrendous yellow color.
"-I don't have brothers anymore."
-
*A/N*
...Hey...how y'all doin?
Miss me at all?