Bitter Sweet Life

Prologue

"Bumalik na ba?"

Nakakaumay yung tanong and at the same time nakakainis. As long as I want to forget about it, people around me keeps on asking and reminding me that he's still not showing up.

"Hindi pa. For sure hindi na 'yon babalik"
Sagot ko sa tanong n'yang hindi naman intensyon na saktan ako pero masakit. Humalakhak ako pagkaraan ng ilang sandali.

Ilang buwan na ba? Lima? Anim? Walo? Siguro siyam na. Hanggang ngayon wala parin paramdam. Nakakaumay maghintay pero wala akong magawa kundi ang mag hintay.

 I've tried searching and investigating like a nuts but still, no avail. He really makes sure na private and untraceable s'ya. 

I keep on staring at my phone. Nagbabakasakali na pangalan niya ang lumabas sa dm box ko sa twitter.

As usual, it's not him. Mga mensahe lamang galing sa mga kapatid sa pananampalataya galing ibang bansa. And every time na may notification ako sa dm box ko, sobrang kaba and excitement yung nararamdaman ko. 

If it's me from months ago, I won't be disappointed from those direct message that I received just now. Sobrang saya ko every time na mayroong mensahe galing sa mga taong hindi ko naman kakilala pero nag eeffort na mag iwan ng mensahe para saakin at humingi ng advice.

Ever since, marami ang nag me-message saakin na mga suicidal at tila walang mapuntahang mga tao. I do love helping them and talking to them to the point that I attract the negativity that they've been producing without them knowing it. It feels like heaven every time there's someone I bring closer to God. Parang pakiramdam ko obligasyon ko silang tulungan kahit hindi naman.

My phone beeped. I checked it immediately to see what's up and see that it's just a notification from my twitter account. Someone liked my tweet. I didn't pay attention to it coz' it feels like it's just normal.

My phone beeped again. Wow. It's already 12mn and someone is stalking me on my twitter account. What's with this ppl? I checked who's it and it creeped me out coz he replied on my tweet saying:

"I saw you, looking at me too"

I replied and the conversation went on and on.

"Hey, you okay?" Pia my cousin, checking on me again.

"Yeah. I just remembered where it started."

"Still can't get over with him, huh" She chuckled after rolling her eyes on me.

"How can I? When he promised he'll be back. Huh, now tell me, how can I?"

I can't help it. He promised me! If he didn't, I wouldn't end up waiting like a freak. 

Pia, my cousin just rolled her eyes again and says "It's been a monthSSS" Emphasizing the letter 's' so that I will know na hindi lang isang buwan ang lumipas kundi marami na.

"Hindi ka man nila favorite, ako, you are my favorite person" 

How can be that stranger leave me like this? Gosh.

"Tccicsm" 

"Ano naman yaan?"

"Aba. Ako na nga nag type ako pa mag sasabi?" 

"Wow. Just wow"

"Meron ka naman ilang buwan para malaman kung ano meaning niyaan. Pagbalik ko, dapat alam mo na" 

"Bakit hindi mo pa sabihin ngayon?"

"I searched the meaning of 'samedt' and 'smh' that you always say. And I found nothings so I asked my office-mate what does it means. So yeah."

"What?! Bakit mo naman tinatanong sa iba? HAHAHAHAHAHA" 

"That's how we grow. Ask if you don't know."

I did. I asked. I asked your mutual on twitter but he tell me nothing. Paano ako mag go-grow kung hindi ko makuha yung sagot na gusto ko?

"I can't promise you anything. But one thing is for sure, I'll be back. Healthier and stronger." 

Everytime na maalala ko yaan, wala akong ibang magawa kundi umasa. Bakit mo sasabihin sa isang tao kung wala ka naman palang planong tuparin, diba?

"Keziah!"

"Keziah!"

I lazily looked at my churchmates who's busy practicing their instruments.

"Bakit? Anong meron?" I asked them suddenly curious for their excitement.

"Meron bagong dating. Galing Manila. Plano nya daw dito mag Church sa atin kaya tinatawag lahat para maipakilala ng maayos." Excited na sinabi ni Ate Raquel. Isa sa mga ka-church ko. Ilang taon ang tanda nya saakin pero close ko dahil hindi halata na medyo matanda na.
Sumama ako sa kanila papasok sa office para makita kung sino yung sinasabi nila.

He's tall. Clean and looking so fresh. Maybe around 29 or so. He look very serious and stiff. Maybe because we're too many for a small room? Andito kaming lahat sa small office ng Church.

"He's from Manila and planning to buy some land here in Bicol so he decided to go here, sa atin to help him and guide him more." Our youth pastor explained to us.

He began talking and introduce himself to us. Brian. His name is Brian.

I feel off hearing his name. It feels like I know him but of course, I don't kasi ito ang unang beses na nagkita kami. or not? 

He sounds so familiar.

"Nice to meet you." says Brian who appeared in front of me without me noticing it because I'm too busy about my thoughts.

"Nice to meet you, too."

He extend his hand for a shake hands and I took it out of respect.

"Finally"

Huh?

"I've been standing in front of you for almost a minute now but you're idle so... yeah. Finally" 

Bigla akong kinabahan. Akala ko naman kung ano na. Gosh. Chill Keziah. Chill. 

He walked away and go to the others so i had the chance to examine his physiques more. He walk like a fine man. Imposible pala 'yon sa lalaki 'no?. Akala ko mostly babae lang yung gano'n but there he is.  

"Grabe. Hindi naman sobrang gwapo pero sobrang lakas naman ng dating." 

Hay nako. Pia talaga sobrang hilig sa mga gwapo. "He looks familiar" 

"Ay! Kanina sobrang tagal niya nakatingin sa'yo kaso hindi ka nakatingin sa kanya at mukhang may malalim kang iniisip." Ate Raquel said after hearing Pia's statement about Brian's appearance. 

"Tapos kanina sabi nya 'Finally! Abot kamay na kita'  and I was like 'Whuuuut' kaya tumingin ako sa kanya kung kinakausap ba ako pero pagtingin ko. Meeeeeen! Sa'yo nakatingin!" 

May tropa ba kayo na kapag nag ku-kwento ay may kasamang action or hand gestures? Kasi ako meron. Ayan. Si Angel. Gusto ko sana s'ya i-interrupt at sabihin 'paano yung whuuut' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA kaso baka magalit. 

"Tapos tinanong ko s'ya kung kilala ka ba n'ya and he just said 'I know her more that she knows me'." 


My heart suddenly stop beating. Why? Why did my heart stop beating? I felt my hands trembling. 

"'Finally"

Who are you?

I immediately search for him and I found him looking at me intently. His eyes is full of emotions. I cannot name it all. Oh my gosh!

NO WAY!!!