Moving On - A Holland Fanfic

Do you move with me?

Holland's POV

I don't know what I was thinking to not resist his lips, his face, his hands. He ambushed me. I wanted to stop, but he didn't let that happen. He held me while I kissed him. It was his way of saying that I couldn't stop. And that we needed to do it right at that moment.

Eventually we felt from the couch. My head hit the table, but I didn't feel it. My heart took over my brain and he told me it was fine. 

Jisoo told me I wasn't bleeding. And then we laughed. Not because of what he said, but because of the table telling us to stop. So, we got up. The first thing he did was moving the table far away. He didn't need my help for that. Then he came back, he held me and he asked me something with the voice I'm addicted to: 'This couch is yours. The floor is yours. Can I be yours?'

I didn't know what to respond. I never thought relationships start like this. First you kiss, then you date. I wished it had been different. I want to know someone, before all this. But it felt different at that moment. It felt as if we knew each other for so long already. That was also the feeling he gave me when we first met.

'I think you can.' I replied. It didn't feel totally bad, but not good either. I mean, I'm his landlord, shouldn't I be smarter than that?

Now we're lying side by side. The couch is big enough for us to sleep on it. Yesterday we fell asleep and we didn't even ask for it. It was as if the wind died down on us. 

I think I woke up because of my worries. I'm still confused. The sun shines on us. The warmth makes me fall asleep again.

When I wake up for the second time Jisoo isn't next to me anymore. First I think he went upstairs to sleep in his own bed. But then I hear a sound coming from the kitchen. He's preparing some breakfast, but I don't know if I will be able to eat something. I hold Tree in my arms. He's so soft that he makes me feel comfortable.

'Tae, stay put. I will bring the breakfast.' A sweet voice is heading towards me. It's the first time he shortens my name. It feels even more weird now.

'I'm not hungry.' I say. I go sit upright, although I think he won't let me. He takes a seat next to me and he stares at me. Suddenly he grew up. He looks so mature.

'I will feed you.' Without waiting for my response, he takes a spoon with yoghurt on it. I want to resist, but he has made all these efforts. I can't disappoint him.

I open my mouth. It tastes good. Then I hesitate to ask him something. It's been on my mind since I woke up. Is the love still the same as yesterday? Are we able to love each other like we did yesterday again? I hope it wasn't because he felt sad and he was confused.

'Jisoo, I-' Why is it so hard? Tree supports me by holding my hand.

'What is it?' He asks me. I avert my eyes. I'm looking the other way. He doesn't mind and he moves so my eyes are focused on him.

'Yesterday, do you feel that way?' Then he raises his eyebrows. According to me, that doesn't mean anything good. I prepare myself for a rejection. Maybe he was drunk and I didn't notice that.

'I think I got carried away.' His words hit me. Even more than the table did yesterday. 'I'm sorry I deceived you.'

'So you aren't-?'

'I didn't mean to kiss you.' He says confidently. It's making me feel bad. I should have stopped him. Now he feels sorry about doing things that aren't his fault. He will move out and he won't find a place to stay. All because of me who hasn't stopped him. Then he opens his mouth again. 'But I am serious about me being in love with you. We should've dated first.'

My eyes sparkle, I'm sure of that. 'I forgive you.' I smile. 'But only if I can feel it again.'

He puts the tray on the floor and he comes closer. His lips touch mine. 'It feels the same, don't you think?'

Jisoo's POV

I feel bad. And nauseous. My heart tells me I should quit acting like this. Our relationship is based on lies.

But there's actually nothing that can stop me from telling lies. I've come this far. It means that it has its advantages. No one will know that I'm acting. I've been doing it my entire life.

Suddenly he pushes me away. 'Let's go out for dinner tonight.' I nod. That's a great idea to get to know each other. Although I know more about him than he might think.

'First eat breakfast.' I take a slice of bread for him. It's not hard to make him do something, apparantely. He opens his mouth. I hope he will be obedient forever.

'Do you have school today?' He asks. His voice isn't soft anymore, but he's his old self again. As if the love between us ran away already. It makes me feel sad. It means that I have to stay here to look for the love that's hidden somewhere. Although I have school, I am not going. I can't let the love fade already.

'I don't.' I fill my mouth with bread. I can't respond if he decides to ask questions.

I swallow my food and I keep silent. His mind is also somewhere else. Maybe it's a good time to tell him what I saw.

'Tae, I saw you played music on the computer.' He focuses on me. He doesn't avert his eyes from me.

'I did.'

'Does it mean that you gave it a place? Your past?' He never really told me about his past and how hard his carreer was, but I can feel it. He won't blame me. I didn't even have to check the internet for that.

'I think I did.' I'm sure this is a subject that makes him emotional. If he's emotional, it's easier to keep him by my side. He won't ever leave if I'm the person who consoles him. His trust is here.

'Then isn't it a good idea to go back to your agency?'

'I am scared.'

'I can see in your eyes that you're ready for it. By the way, you live here. No one will hurt you. I'll protect you.'

'It's a big step for me.'

'I'll go with you.' And that's how we spend our day, filled with stress and love.