The me you used to know.

chapter 1

I used to think that if I was faced with a problem that I would stand and face it. But these past two years have showed me that all I am is a coward. A scared runaway who has just now but rock bottom. It truly is a scary place to be but I'm here now. Waiting to be picked up by one of the last people i want to see- my mother. She looks at me the same way she did when she told me it was my fault my dad died two years ago. She gave me the look that made me want to turn back and run, she noticed and grabbed my arm.  "Oh no you don't," she spit "I didn't come here for you to run away again. Your brothers have missed you. c'mon get in the car."
So I did, finally taking a step to letting it all go.  Inhale, exhale just like the shrink i visited said to. Inhale, exhale.  Again, just for good measure. Deep breaths, focus on your goal. You made it this far right?
I buckle myself up as my mom puts the backpack of clothes in the trunk. "You know that shrink stuff is a hoax right? If I though it would fix you i woulda taken you a long time ago. Inhale exhale crap just don't cut it when your that messed up huh?"
I don't answer. I never do and she knows it. So I close my eyes and try to think about seeing my brothers and grandma. She was the reason I stayed as long as I did. She was the only one I called when I went m.i.a.  She is the reason I'm coming back. I got a call from my brother saying that she had been hospitalized and needed someone to care for her at home or she would be sent to a nursing home. That was the last place I would let the dearest person in my life go. I knew if she went there my brothers wouldn't visit her. Or my mom. So it as up to me to take care of her as always. I didn't mind. I missed her so much. I had just hoped that things had changed with my mom, but they didn't. As soon as I can I will book it and not look back. Even if  take grandma with me.I
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We pulled into the hospital and began looking for a parking spot. As soon as we found one She parked the car. "I don't want any years when we see your grandmother. And I am not staying here long."
We made our way inside after that, not stopping at the desk. I don't know why I was surprised that my mother actually knew where to go. I shouldn't, but my mother was never the you to call her mother and tell her that she missed her and chat for a little while. Ahh room 340A I stepped inside and looked around knowing that if my grandma didn't get better that I would be spending a lot of time in here.
"Diana Amelia! Come give your grandmama a hug for the love of all grandmothers!" Smiling i turned to my grandma "sorry grandmama" I said as I stopped to hug my favorite person in the entire world. "When are we supposed to bust you outta here grandmama?"  "Diana, there will be no busting or the use of 'outta' while your here. When your grandma gets better she will go home. You still act like your twelve." My mother scolded. She knew that hurt. Because I always had to act accordingly and in her world twelve year olds did not. I guess to her I'm still twelve, not good enough.