Neon, or how to disappear completely with Noen Eubanks

How to Disappear Completely

After we swam, ate, and pondered at the beach we decided to get back to the hotel for the last time. Noen and I, still wet from the sea, walked embracing each other. We would glance at each other, now and then, and can't help but smile.

Inside the hotel with wet clothes, Noen lent me his shirt and pants. I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I directed my face straight at the streaming water, cleansing the sand, cleansing the salt, washing away my tears. I sat down and embraced my legs, trying to contain the inevitable sadness---the coming melancholy.

"It's okay," said heart, "It won't be over. You'll have a piece of him in you---always---forever."

"It isn't over," added brain, "It will go on and on and on."

I smiled to myself. I felt courage run through my body. I got up and faced the streaming water. I smiled thinking of how happy my time was here---with him. Hope ran in my veins: a certain hope that someday, somehow we'll meet again.

After I changed into his clothes, I went to join them. Addison and Xowie were already huddled up with Jorge and Benji. They seemed to already have cleaned themselves up. Turning my head around the room, I noticed that it had an extra bathroom. I redirected back to them. Noen and I locked eyes. He was waiting for me. I went over to him and leaned on his back and embraced his neck. Holding him in my arms left me in wistful daydream.

Huddled together, all their attention was directed at me. Benji led the conversation. He asked me about everything---everything embarrassing like my first kiss, my most awkward moment in school, and my favorite Justin Bieber song. I answered everything truthfully to the joy of Xowie, Jorge, Addison and Noen no matter how cringe they may be. "Have you been in any relationship before?" Xowie then asked. They all stared at me in silent anticipation.

"Never had been in one," I replied, "I'm too afraid. I don't know why."

They all nodded then stared at each other, telepathically conversing in their own little world. Noen lay motionless and mute in my arms. I felt his heart throb rapidly, as if gradually building energy.

I released my hold and sat beside him. He turned to me and we looked at each other. We disappeared. Everyone and everything around faded but me and Noen. I was there in the empty room with him--him and his socially awkward demeanor--him and his tender attributes. He slowly gave me his asymmetrical smile. Streaks of different colors then flew right out of his hair and encircled around us with accelerating speed. There I saw in his eyes, simultaneously, love and heartbreak.

"I'm just gonna smoke for a bit. They may have a smoking area here. At the rooftop? I hope," I said Noen. I then signed my intentions to Benji, Jorge and Addison. Xowie, however, looked at me with subtle concern. Across the circle, she approached and whispered something to Noen. Noen looked at her heavily and gave a spare nod of confirmation and returned his gaze to me. Noen's eyes followed me across the room until the shut of the door broke the trance. Xowie and I took the elevator to the hotel rooftop.

The rooftop was briefly etched by a single light bulb hanging from the entrance door. The place was wide. We were the only ones there. I knew Xowie was gonna say something heavily private because she kept on looking over at the entrance door where my back was turned to. The sky was flowing in darkness, so much so that the stars were like salt debris. I felt the gust of the city, unemotional and damp. Xowie and I were like swimming in the night, holding our torches as we inhaled the cool smoke. We were silent for some time when we heard the backdoor open gently. It must be the wind for Xowie didn't flinch to see who it was. And as I inhaled more, I felt like it was coming.

"You can't tell anyone," Xowie said firmly, "at least, not after it's blown up. You got me?" I nodded firmly."Every one of us already knows it. But we're not sure if he's sure of what he's gonna do. But as a good friend of mine, no, a very good friend, I think you need to know what he's planning," She told me with conviction. Then she added, "because it's all about you."

I was silent the entire time she laid everything. My cigarette hung over my limp hand and turned itself to ash slowly 'til nothing was left. After what she'd told me, we went silent again.

My mind went blank and I was weightless. I put another cigarette on my lips. As the fire lit up and the tobacco burned, the brief flash of light lit up her face. Something is in the wind---in the mood quite suddenly. It was Noen. He silently walked beside me. He gazed at me and took the cigarette and inhaled a long drag of smoke. Every time he inhaled, the cigarette grew even brighter. We stood there, facing each other, saying nothing, silently floating in space.

"You never been in any relationship before," Noen said, "you said because you're afraid?"

I said nothing.

Noen smiled, "let's be afraid together."